I NEVER complain about Cary's advice, but this time it's just dumb and not at all to the point.

The last line of your letter says it all: "Is this all a glaring sign that maybe I'm not truly committed to our relationship or our future?" You got it, that's the point. I'd add personal growth to that list too - my therapist once told me 'marriage isn't about companionship, it's about growth.' You're not only not married, you've been going out for SEVEN YEARS and you don't even trust him with a key to your apartment? How slowly can you possibly take this relationship?

Who DOES have an extra key to your apartment, by the way? Someone, I'd hope. What if you lost your keys, or had a medical emergency, or forgot to turn off the stove and only remembered right after you got to work? Or what if he had a big fight with one of his dumb roommates and needed temporary refuge, or forgot something important at your house and you were already at work? What if you were sick with the flu or something and couldn't/didn't-want-to get out of bed to buzz him in?

What is wrong with you? What is there to be afraid of? I'd suggest you LET GO of your false sense of independence and your fear of dangerous, growth-provoking, real intimacy with this man and give him the damn key, already.

"Ideally, we'd both be living by ourselves in our own nice, comfortably sized apartments..." - REALLY? And you would or wouldn't have keys to each other's nice, comfortably sized apartment? Finish that sentence, why don't you - "Alone, not dating each other or anyone else for that matter, safely isolated from the risks of deep, genuine human relationships." Homo Sapiens has been living in tightly knit family groups forever- since before we were Homo Sapiens - and you can't even give your guy a key to your place? You aren't a mountain lion, or an orangutan, you're an intensely social animal. So, YES, after seven years you ARE supposed to be comfortable enough to give him a key! Or, you know, break up with the poor guy.

The LW is too passive, but I don't know if he's creepy, exactly. Grow up, be assertive. Cajones, that's the term....

However, something's not quite right with this married woman. Nobody's 'perfect' - She has boundary issues, she used you, what's she telling her husband about her new life and why isn't she divorced? Etc... I've had enough such experiences with such women; something just ain't right. If you had been forward enough and played your cards right, you'd be having an affair with a married woman ... is that the kind of game you want?

I think you got lucky this time. An easy lesson in being more assertive next time without the drama that would have ensued had this worked out how you'd hoped.

And - being more assertive next time includes being assertive with yourself: walk away from married women "who seem to be excited and really interested in you". People who need you to set up a boundary like that for them are trouble.

Of course, you'll never know the drama you escaped, but you can always go to the movies for that.

Colon - the part of the intestines that are full of shit; as in "Ms. Colon, you're ........"

This is how vets are often treated once they've been used up.

Google 'bonus army' or 'bonus march'...

look at:

http://tinyurl.com/35s6vv

http://www.art-ww1.com/trame/098text.html

or look on the street corners of any major city.

to cite a very few examples.

It should be better, but it ain't.

No, I don't think so. NPD sounds about right to me. Actual introspection and growth is very difficult for narcissists, and I don't get a hint that she's up for trying it.

Also, is english her second language? If not, then she really is a mess - she seems utterly unable to infuse her words with any emotion at all, her letter was astonishingly cold. (And astonishingly full of crap.) People I've met like this are sort of like aliens trying to figure out human emotion using a method similar to how physicists figure out nuclear structures - smash them to bits and see what the debris is like.

I hope the poor guy finds himself alone soon. He may be able to grow from this experience, I don't know if she will. The previous poster who predicted she'd put the next guy on the same treadmill probably had it right. She'd do better to find another narcissist, some prettyboy who's full of himself, and they can dramatically cheat on each other for a while

covered the subject pretty well in 1918:

http://tinyurl.com/295xog

Die Gesundbeter (the Faith Healers) from the series Gott Mit Uns. It's informally known as "KV" - an abbreviation of the German word for 'fit for duty'.

Sending wounded soldiers back into the fray when you're starting to lose badly is nothing new, folks.

Also, this one's pretty pungent:

http://www.graphicwitness.org/historic/gr17.htm

Otto Dix's work from the period also hits very close to home.

I've pointed out examples of his a few times over the last year or two of our current splendid little war.

Anyone want to place bets on what's in store for the good ol' US of A in the 2030's? We'll have plenty of damaged reactionary/conservative veterans around. Hope they all have jobs.

Anyway...

So this General Pace will be immediately putting a stop to the (recently discussed in Salon) problem of RAPE in the military .... assuming he considers rape to be immoral, that is. Clearly, he's OK with lots and lots of nice juicy violent KILLING, so let's hope the good general doesn't consider rape to be just about violence and not sex.