Since when have the yodelings of a twentysomething club girl about how her hot body gets her designer pretties had anything to do or not to do with feminism?

Now that I think about it, really, the true cause of feminism as a goal - that women should have equal status with men - and not the socio-political movement as it exists in popular thought is advanced in this song.

1. Girl is hot.

2. Girl has power due to the social-legal climate: despite the fact that she is, indeed a hottie, she cannot be forced into a sexual act against her will.

3. Girl is smart enough to use her power to get those things in life she desires.

Oh. I get it. Using our sexual prowess to get what we want is bad, because obviously it's a woman's trick and shows that we have no power.

Uhmm. . .noooo. . .it's tacky, but all it says is that women do have the right to be hotties without having deragatory labels tacked onto them.

This MILF works out to My Humps on occasion. It's a cute little club song with a lot of humor. Ms. Hecker, please go buy, borrow or steal a little tolerance, patience, amusement and oh yeah, maybe a sense of humour too.

For Old people. That's what the Gap store for older folks smelled of. "We know you're not trendy or cool anymore. So here's some Old People clothes for ya'."

Who in their right mind would shop there?

To me. . .sub fantasies, specifically.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not know of a single woman who gets off on watching men do the dishes.

In order:

1. Anyone over 250lbs in a center seat.

2. Children whose parents have not discovered either the joys of benadryl or a successful child-rearing technique. (Note: If your child is under 2 and you still bought him/her a seat, I will happily give you a big smile and when you apologize for the child screaming upon take-off tell you "Hey. It's a baby" because you're TRYING. A seven year old who kicks the seat-back without a word from Mommy about behavior? The. Parent. Must. Die.)

3. People who insist upon reclining their seats because it's apparently a God given right.

4. Airline attendants who are not people-persons.

5. People who like to make themselves feel better about their own mental prowess by insulting other people's non-intrusive pastimes.

In my twenties, I discovered something amazing about the heroes I revere and had read about for most of my life: most of them didn't ask to be heroes; they didn't go out looking for a heroic life.

They were people who were pursuing an interesting life to the best of their abilities while simultaneously doing good by those around them. Their pursuit of a life worth living intersected, at some point, with their own ethics and BOOM. A hero was born.

So I've lived my life that way. Pursued an interesting life and simultaneously tried to do good, to be actively benevolent and helpful. Both goals are infinitely satisfying once you get the hang of them, so it's an easy task to achieve. Afer a while, you stop doing it to be heroic and start doing it because you crave living your life to the fullest and can't live without giving back to others.

And then you read an article in Salon.com, and you think "oh yeah. Right." And realize that you've played hero a few times and you still remember the people you helped. And it feels damn good that they're out there, alive in some cases, happy and healthy in others, less screwed up in yet others.

And you grin. Because it feels damn good. And then you go feed the dogs and clean the kitty litter and read a little before you go to bed, because that's how we all really live the majority of our lives.

But am I the only person who has ever thought that Gilgamesh story bears a surprising resemblance to much of women written fan-fic? I mean, there's slash and angst and massive amounts of hurt/comfort and a quest and all the rip-roaring stuff found in the really good long epics of woman written fanfic.

Maybe I'm alone in my appraisal of this, but when I went back and re-read the Epic of Gilgamesh for the first time since college a couple of years ago, I was completely gobsmacked by how it's so thematically like the really good writing found in fanfic.

Because, once abortions are banned in Texas, women will have some place to go to get them that's less likely to drive them into debt than Western Europe, Canada or the UK.

Otherwise, they won't be able to get a place on the danceline or have any sort of chance at being a cheerleader in high school.

3 is the age we start kids on soccer and t-ball at these days.

As soon as they're potty trained, toddlers start going on play dates so that they can social network and gain friendships that will be advantageous to them later. Heck, my parents signed my niece and nephew up for "Mother's Day Out" when their grandbabies were still infants to ensure they'd be started in the right social set.

Tutoring starts in kindergarten, if kids aren't at the top of their class.

Mothers start teaching their babies additional languages before the kids are even born these days. (I swear to you, at least one of my younger relations was born speaking 2 additional languages - one of which was ASL!)

Giving babies milk to ensure they don't become obese as adults? Just par for the course.