When I first met my man I was alternatively riveted and appalled by his extreme environmentalism. Riveted because he was the only person I'd ever met who actually followed through and got solar panels. Appalled by the temperature in the house during the winter. My hands would get stiff from the cold.

It was hard to sort it out, but I no longer have to sleep in sweatshirts.

I agree with everyone else who says this is about more than this new ascetic environmentalism, and more about his desire for control. I'd even say its potentially about a form of moral superiority that Cary nails in his take on it. Then again, I've met these flocks of preening wanna-be brahmins, ever one-upping each other in their quest for the high ground, its a powerful motivator with or without a controlling streak.

What I did was sit him down and said plainly, I can't live like this. I respect your motivations, I respect your philosophy, you need to respect my needs too.

Here is what I need to be comfortable. How can we get there?

Destinations are for honeymoons right? When did the two get confused?

My favorite line from the letter is the parting shot that the LW's own wedding "wasn't perfect". DO YA HEAR ME? IN THE GREAT WEDDING OLYMPICS OF LIFE, YOU LOSE!!!!!

Because its a competition, isn't it. By not spending a fortune to attend they detracted from the coronation, I mean wedding, sorry. They didn't pay the tribute that the happy couple felt they were owed. THE BASTARDS.

Greedy tacky displays like this have pretty much sealed my fate. I'm wearing a second hand dress to my bbq reception. Gifts are entirely optional. I'm not going to swathe anything in yards of "my wedding theme colors". I'm ordering a cake that tastes good, hell, maybe even a pile of cupcakes. I'll put up any relatives that are feeling pinched, and give a free pass to anyone who can't afford to come.

Anything to avoid being in the same category of this pair of jerks.

Chet, your post is so completely over the top with unforgiving harshness that I just can't imagine that you're from planet earth. Apparently "good manners" means opening your wallet and your heart to societies visigoths to do as they please. Do you think the LW and her husband would be any less dead to this couple if they politely declined due to economics? Please.

Also, if someone says something really dickish to you drunk or sober, your hurt feelings are not your own fault. That is just insane. I've had to grovel, and rightly so, for a few drunken insults in my time because thats what you do when you aren't a jerk. Even if I don't remember what I said. What I learned, on my merry way to adulthood, is not to drink when I'm wiped out, not to drink too much at big events, and to apologize to people whose feelings I care about when I've hurt them. I learned that last part in kindergarden. Whatever it was that couple thought they were doing, hospitality wasn't involved.

There is no excuse for what the groom said to one of his GUESTS unless they really just never intended on being friends with these people in the first place. And then, don't invite them to your super sweet expensive wedding. Save everyone a lot of grief.

People being held accountable for their reactions to other people's rampant dickery is one of the first signs of the apocalypse.

She made those statements about wanting to try again with her husband five years ago when he did this. A lot of times people in bad situations can't imagine life outside of them, which leads them to say things that sound so strange to the rest of us. They can't imagine a different life would be a better life, they want to fix the life they had. They want to turn back time to BEFORE their loved one went insane.

We have no idea how she feels now that she has built a life without him, it may be very different. She might find that forgiveness isn't actually that easy when you don't feel like you need your assailant for anything anymore.

That last line took it from terrifying to hilarious. I'm going outside to engage in the Sisyphean task of yard work now with a sense of absurd joy. Hope all is well with you and yours.