Someone (I think it was "anonymous") said: "Cary's right, that you have to adapt to their world and not expect them to adapt to your memories."

I SO don't agree with this. Why the passivity? Where does this idea comes from, that children lead, and adults follow?

What rubbish. Stand up for yourself and your values. Be an independent thinker, and show the younger generation how it's done. Show them that it's possible to resist advertising. Show them that it's possible to be an individual, and that thinking for yourself is cool.

Some of them won't get it, and some will see you as someone who is their own person. A few will decide that they too want to be that kind of person.

Get them what you feel good about getting them, and let it go.

.. and the preface was also wise and thought-provoking. You add depth and richness to my days through your writing, and for that, I thank you. And you don't need to hear this, but please don't let the turkeys bring you down. You go!

Why not, LW? That's really interesting stuff to talk about. Talking with your friends (along with reading voraciously, observing, thinking for yourself) can be a good way to explore and develop your ideas about various things.

Try commenting on some relevant news story to a close friend who is also a thoughtful, intelligent person (I hope you have one LW! If not, you need to find at least one!). Ask their opinion, share yours. See where it leads. It doesn't have to be "I've decided that..." It can be "I've been wondering if maybe..."

I know that these kinds of discussions with friends have often helped to move my thinking (and theirs) along. It can also make for some great, fun, stimulating conversations. But don't forget about the voracious reading!

Meditation.

Try it, LW. Really. Take a course, read a book on it, get a video, whatever it takes to get you started.

Meditation will show you the contents of your own mind. It will show you that the restlessness you experience originates within you, not in your job or the other circumstances of your life.

You will gain some distance from the aversions and attractions that constantly plague you, so that you can be less reactive and more calm and considered in the decisions you make.

Good luck!

LW, you didn't tell us why you moved out to that big house in the first place. There was something about it that attracted you -- the bigness, maybe? Are you thinking you'll have kids soon and will need the extra space? Did you want to be closer to nature? Maybe you were tired of aspects of urban life - the traffic, pollution, crime.

Whatever those reasons were, some of them might be valid and won't necessarily go away. So try to separate what was valid from what was a mistake. Make a list of wants and don't-wants. See if you can find some little town that would give you a lot of what you want and not too much of what you don't.

When we were ready to leave the city, we looked for a house for 3 years. Your letter does a great job of articulating why we just couldn't go for the suburbs. We just dreaded that soulless bedroom community vibe.

Instead, we went beyond the suburbs into the country. We found a house in a village (not that easy to find, but they do exist). It's charming. It's beautiful (natural beauty was very important to us). It's progressive (the town is very environmentally conscious, for one thing), and it's only an hour out of the city. No McMansions. No malls. Lots of educated and friendly people.

It was worth the three years of looking. We're in heaven. Maybe something like that would work for you, or maybe your solution would look quite different.

Take a little time to get clear about what you really want, and then go for it.

Lots of good luck to you...

LW, I'm not sure whether you should have a child or not, but if you choose to start a family, by adoption or otherwise, I think there is some soul-searching that you need to do.

What is it that you love (if there is something?) about being alive? What is it that you want to share with a child? Because, make no mistake, your child will pick up on your feelings about life in a big way.

This morning just after sunrise I took an early walk to the beach, and watched as the Canada Geese flew back upriver from the sea. They flew directly above me, honking like mad, in their ragged V's. The fog was lifting and the light was ethereal on the water.

That is one thing I love about being alive. That is one thing I will share with a child.

My mother used to sit at the kitchen table in the evenings, She would talk about how she loved the silhouettes of trees against the sky, especially in winter. I'll always remember that. It's not about the trees exactly. It's that she taught me to look for beauty, and to appreciate it.

Things get tough, things get sad, our lives can go terribly wrong in all kinds of ways. But you have to figure out for yourself whether you do love life in some way, whether inside you there is still some fragile "Yes." Your desire for a child tells me there is.

Finding this Yes will help you to know what to do.