The LW's problem isn't that interesting. He deserves to have his ass kicked, repeatedly. No sane person would stay in a relationship with him. However, that leaves the interesting question about dealing with nostalgic mementos when starting a new relationship.

Years ago, after the wedding and honeymoon, my wife and I did this crazy thing where we recombined all our junk into one huge album, roughly sorted chronologically, with both our pasts mixed together. The process of organizing all this naturally involved a lot of questions and discussion, which I feel left both of us more trusting and knowledgeable. Then there's the page where everything starts to involve the two of us together, and, as the years go by, that section keeps growing (into extra albums) and those early pages just aren't that interesting anymore. Lasting love can only be built on a foundation of trust. This LW is looking at a long, lonely life, even if he can avoid this break-up because he will never allow himself to trust. Somehow, it's impossible to feel sorry for him.

Everyone saying that giving it up on the first date is the problem is missing a key point: It's who you're with that's more important. Yeah, if you're bar hopping and getting lit and you're banging those guys, well of course it goes nowhere. No rational guy starts a relationship with a girl who has already clearly told him, "I like to get fucked up and fuck strange men." Even if you find that guy, you REALLY don't want THAT guy. On the other hand, a whirlwind weekend that begins with a dinner date, turns into coffee and conversation, which leads to that "I don't care what we do, I just want to keep doing it" moment which leads to Sunday dinner and making plans for Wednesday night after you both finish work? I'm saying most men will find that incredibly attractive. The key point is that they have to feel it was the "magical" connection that made it happen, not their good luck at running into a drunken slut on a jag.

But that's not you, is it? All the other posters who have thrown that out there, who are telling you to join AA, they don't know you at all, and you clearly don't have a drinking problem (or an alcohol-related behavior problem). None of that is related, is it? Well, why not try an experiment? Don't drink, at all, for three months. If you don't have a drinking problem, not drinking won't be important, and you'll be able to better understand what's really going on with yourself. The sober you may find that the things that the drunken you finds so compelling in a man really aren't that good after all. The sober you may find that the other guy, the one you never looked at before, is actually the really interesting one. I'm not saying that you need to find a geek. I'm saying that drunk girl is unable to distinguish high-energy from high-quality. Sober girl is probably a lot better at it.

I hope you find some laid-back guy who doesn't need to have the entire room focused on him, a guy who is willing to focus all his attention on one woman because he knows that quality of life isn't measured by the height of the highs, but by the integral of the function. (If that doesn't make sense to you, I suggest you memorize it and use it to talk to the next quiet, well-educated guy you have a chance to spend some time with. It's the closest thing I have to wisdom.)

You stole all the good ideas!

There are really only two answers here: Fix it or break it completely. All of you who advocate breaking it completely, well, you might be right, but there's been plenty of that advice already. PKNYC laid out some uncomfortable truths. They don't fit the typical SYA ideology, but they're true. Sorry.

The only thing I'd add to his take is that you had access to a vital resource for controlling, manipulating, and training your husband; you had the ability to keep him completely pussy-whipped for the foreseeable future. You had all his secret fantasies spelled out there in front of you! (Do you think that his fantasies are based on the identity of the woman? Have you ever actaully met a man before?) Of course, the typical Madonna/Whore complex guy would never be able to tell his wife, the mother of his children, that he really wants to tie her to the bed and screw her in the butt (or whatever). But you know all that stuff now, right? Regardless of how it was obtained, knowledge is power. Do you have the will to power? Or would you prefer to self-medicate yourself into oblivion?

Make a choice. Break it, or fix it. Divorce, or double down. Your pick. But if you want to stay together, make it be about you, and use your new ability to drive your husband crazy with his own fantasy life. If it actually works, you might even start thinking about sharing your own... Guys love helping their women achieve their fantasies. Really. A lot.

LW never mentions her relationship with her husband except to say that he's busy and she's lonely. So, how strongly has she presented him with her needs? Is it possible that her husband doesn't know about her problem and that he would take action to improve the situation if he did? Just because he's in graduate school doesn't mean he can abandon his spousal responsibilities. Being married means agreed to share all these things, good and bad. Maybe LW doesn't want to burden her husband with her "trivial" problems, but a good wife doesn't do that. She shares and makes sure that her husband understands, and a good husband listens and tries to help. Of course, this couple may be past this step, but this kind of communication has to be the first step.