It's always nice to find a new way to appreciate your family and friends. We may have our problems, but at least we're not acting like middle school kids with the secrets and gossip game. So thanks for that.

Secrets are things you don't tell anyone. She told you, so it isn't a secret anymore. Drama queens are people who initiate the gossip game by doing the "Now you can't tell anyone this." Yes, you've been burned and must now play your role in the second act of this little bit of theater. You foolishly got sucked into the game when you said you'd keep the secret, and you didn't know how to play it. ("Now, you understand, you absolutely did NOT hear this from me, ok?") So, suck up to the two of them, act contrite, and keep your anger to yourself (It's a secret...) The bright side is that you'll learn this lesson, and you'll be sure to let everyone know that you won't keep their little social secrets in the future. You know what? Not being in the gossip circle doesn't cause one single problem in life. Not one. There are a lot of people who are happy to be outside it. And they'll never tell you a "secret".

From your letter, I get the feeling that at least half of what has changed here is you. So, you need to sit down with your friend (and maybe a bottle of wine) some Saturday afternoon, and tell her, in detail, the reasons why you've decided you have to drink less. Present it as a rational, economic analysis: Drinking like I did just costs me more (time, pain, other opportunities) than it used to. Do not talk about her drinking. Even if she brings it up, do not voice any opinions about her drinking. Do not talk about addiction or treat this as an intervention of any kind. Do tell her that you need her to respect this change. She probably doesn't recognize that her "playful" peer pressure is uncomfortable for you. Then, in the future, when she starts pushing you, pause long enough to get her attention and tell her, "X, I can decide how much I want to drink." Hopefully, she'll learn this new dynamic and back off, and you'll still be able to enjoy your friendship. If not, at least you've given it your best shot, so you can look back without regret. Finally, you will have established yourself as someone who talks about alcohol in a non-judgmental, practical way. She may need that kind of friend in the future if she starts to follow you down the road to a healthy relationship with alcohol.

BTW, you probably have better luck with her when her SO isn't around, don't you? Dealing with a friend in a co-dependent relationship might also be part of your problem. Maybe you should be focusing on helping her see that HE is the problem first. Good luck with that, though.

Do something completely different. Just don't come to Korea. It's the modern Iceland. We all hate it here. Nope. Nothing to see here. Just keep moving along.

Seriously, as young and fortunate as you sound, you should take the opportunity to really stretch yourself. Life moves on, and a few years from now you won't have the freedom to gather experiences that you have now (Now, I'm no art school graduate, but I tend to think that rich experience is the best fuel for art.) So go get your passport messy. Get out of the US for a while. You'll be amazed at how much a year in a different culture (language) will change your weltanschauung. (Let's see if we can't get this meme going...) That change will be good for you in all ways, except perhaps in your ability to tolerate idiotic Americans (not all... just the idiotic ones.)

Oh, yeah. If you really need a job...

The question was "Do problems go away if we ignore them?" The answer is that, yes, most problems do go away if you ignore them. That's because most "problems" aren't really problems but are contrived melodrama. Let go of the drama and there's nothing left. There's a very dangerous aspect to this however. Real problems exist in the world. Real problems require real concrete action. People who have trained themselves to deal with false problems by ignoring them can experience catastrophic outcomes when they fail to distinguish between real problems and imaginary ones. Any women losing her child is a real problem. Maybe it isn't yours, exactly, but you must question your role. Are you exacerbating the problem by ignoring it, or are you actively contributing to a possible future positive outcome? Imagine the positive outcome that would be best for those involved (first, the child, second, the mother, third, you and your husband.) How can you take action to create that reality? How can you communicate to others what they need to do to achieve it? What actions should you take if you determine that someone else is actively working against this goal? What effect will your passive acceptance of this ongoing disaster have on your long-term mental health?

No matter what, do not be the enemy of hope. Advocate responsible growth and change. Imagine that a higher power is watching you and judging your actions. (And remember, choosing not to act is an action.)