This whole problem can be cured with some basic communication with the neighbors. It will only take a couple of minutes to calmly and peacefully resolve the situation. LW, your neighbors may not realize that this universe exists only to please you! They probably mistakenly feel that their son has the right to enjoy life without first considering every possible trivial way it will affect you. If you simply explain to them that your sense of peace and quiet are more important than the boy's right to play in his own yard in the early evening, surely they'll helpfully offer to just off their whole family so that you'll never be inconvenienced again.

Seriously, the LW already knows he's being an ass. He's just hoping that someone will come and hold his hand and tell him that he's ok. Well, LW, you're not. You're self-centered, and apparently you don't even recognize that the NBA playoffs are ongoing and that dreaming boys all over the world are anxiously biding their time until the game starts at 8 in the most natural way possible for someone looking forward to watching their favorite team lose to the Pistons. It will taper off soon. Get over yourself.

is that this is not a triangle of LW, brother and mother. She tells us that there is another brother and his wife, and obviously the father. Why aren't they involved in all this? If she decides to attend, then certainly she needs to make sure that all these people are aware, on her side, and ready to support her. They should also be involved in the negotiations about all this. Just because the mother has played her trump card doesn't mean the LW is left with a simple binary decision. Remember, this is how you were taught to control children, right? Give them a binary decision that you control... well, you are no longer a child. Many people have suggested that you not hide the problem, no matter what, at the party. I say you should force everyone to look at it before the party and make commitments to ensure that you are not pushed toward those "family pictures and forced hugs". If you can't get universal support on that, before the party, don't go.

Finally, the LW says that her mother knows about the rape. Do the others know? Certainly, if the other brother's family includes children, the LW is obligated to tell them, isn' she?

Of course, as a last-resort insurance measure, I'd keep electro robot's advice in mind. If things go sideways on you, apply that bat to the rest of the family, too.

I'm not hip to all the pop-psych lingo, but I have to wonder about the economics of all this. She says she's an unsuccessful novelist single mom raising a six-year-old. In the world I live in, that usually translates into financial problems, but maybe things like that are just too external for an INFP Leo to come to grips with. If she does have these problems a reality-based individual might think that those external problems are the real issue. Perhaps it's time to stop living in a dream-world, give up her futile attempts at novel-writing and try to get a job with a real salary, and real limits (That's part of the problem with being a writer, isn't it? You're always at work....) There are only a few positions available for novel-writers. Most are actually waitresses pretending to be novelists. After ten years, noone can criticize her for not giving it a fair shot. IMHO, it's far better to be a journalist wistfully wishing she could be a novelist than a "novelist" wishing she had a life. Maybe though, I'm guilty of failing to support her illusions (sorry, dreams.) My bad. Too many visits to despair.com (not recommended for those of you who thought CT's response was insightful)

when the sarcasm flies right by people hurrying to be earnest. Thank you all for injecting a little humor in an otherwise depressing morning!

After confusion,good family falls apart.

It seems the LW knows what is needed, but blood runs deep. It hurts to know that you have to protect yourself and your children from your relatives, but that is reality. So, ok, feel bad. Then do what you know is right. Thinking logically, which situation is more likely: that your children will suffer serious harm by associating with your mother, or that they will suffer serious harm by being shielded from your mother?

Maybe I'm lucky in that I'm able to be cold-blooded about these things. It has to be good for something, right?

During my second year living in Asia, some friends planned a holiday weekend trip to Beijing for the local ex-pat (English teacher) community. One Aussie girl signed up, paid her money, and left. It wasn't until the group got to China that anyone noticed that she had no luggage at all, no money, no shoes, and, apparently, no meds. Calls to the emergency numbers she left revealed that her parents were very interested in getting her back into institutionalized care. They paid for the flight straight back to Oz. Now, it seems she's made it to LA.

Honey. Your family loves you, and only wants whats best for you. Please call home.