It seems sometimes that in our haste to destroy all the negative aspects of patriarchal society that we have also destroyed all the positive concepts of masculinity. This person in no way matches my cultural definition of "man". Responsibility, stability, security: These were supposed to be the measure of a man's worth, but now a man who abandons all those ideals in the pursuit of navel-gazing just about gets a free pass. Oh...he's lazy!

Folks, I'm sorry. He isn't lazy. He's her pimp. And he needs his ass kicked. How is it possible that the entire family and community surrounding these people has not made that happen yet? Every single person who cares about this family should be telling him, every single day, "Get a fucking job, loser.", "Support your family", or "Handle your business." I can't imagine seeing people I care about in this kind of situation and not jumping all over him. Where is the Greek chorus of relatives, old friends, neighbors, etc.?

LW, you do not have a husband. You have a tick. Burn it off.

Everybody is reacting as if the step-daughter is, in fact, a villain here, but the LW does not say that. So, I'd suggest that the LW consider a private (surprise?) conversation between the two of them to determine if the step-daughter is open to negotiation. She may well be a very reasonable person who responds compassionately if you ask her to consider the needs of everyone.

You say you don't need the money yourself. Great. Tell her that you'll forgo your share if she'll offer the needy siblings a reasonable amount. Sincere, caring people could find a way to make this bring the family together instead of pushing everyone apart. Your reward out of all of this could be the respect and gratitude of all those involved. If that doesn't sound appetizing to you, then admit to yourself that it is about the money, get down off your high horse and focus your energies on maximizing your payout. Plenty of advice about how to do that is available.

The relationships between children and parents inevitably have a power component. In your case, you are starting to resent the fact that your parents (maybe your mother in particular) are wielding that power. Moving out is an act of rebellion; it is saying, "I don't need your support, and I don't want your authority." Some parents react harshly to this, others embrace it as a sign of maturity in their child. Eventually, the relationship between parent and child has to change. Once you move out and establish your own independent life, you will wield the power if you choose to. E.g., "Mom, there's no way we're traveling this Christmas with a 6 month old baby. Why don't you and Dad come here?" Some children never really want to establish their independence, and some parents don't try to cling to their power. But it sounds like that isn't your family. I agree with CT: you need to move out. However, I think that future healthy family relationships would be best served if you can be sure that you will not be dependent, in any way, on you parents when you do. That will take careful planning and preparation, as well as some patience. But, if you really are mature and responsible, that won't be a problem.

Here, take this little pop quiz: What monthly expenses can you expect if you move into your own apartment? How much income will you need to be free from parental support? How much will it cost you to equip a kitchen and otherwise establish a new residence? How long can one person survive on dried beans and rice before they go insane?

When you know the answers to all those questions, when you have a financial cushion (how about three months expenses?) to protect you from the unforeseen, then you can move out confidently and change the rules of your relationship. Until that time, think of you mother's criticisms as her launch-induction technique.

Everyone, including CT, has been thoughtful and on point. It makes me feel useless. All I can say is that lots of superficially happy guys have dark, brooding cores, if you dig deep. Take a chance on a nice guy; he may well be screwed up just enough to satisfy your requirements!

I'll accept the LW's statement that this is not a domestic violence issue, but only to the point of it not being a physical violence issue. It seems likely that there is emotional abuse going on, but we don't know. As you follow CT's excellent advice (eat your veggies), you must make a calm intelligent decision: Is your husband the enemy?

Maybe you guys are still on the same side, but just not working well together. That can be improved. You may realize that real love is not being "in love". That happens to most of us. On the other hand, he may be your enemy, viewing your gain as his loss. Then it's time to go.

I think the education question is the most important. What are the attitudes like about you continuing your education? Supportive? Pragmatic? Dismissive? Cynical? Hostile? Those who love you want you to improve yourself. I hope you find the best way for you and your daughter (and your husband!) I'd like to think this is just young adults going through growing pains. That wouldn't be so surprising, but only you can decide.

I'm really just interested in the LW's strange passivity about all this...It's his life, so why isn't he being proactive and assertive? Is this the cause of the problems in the relationship and counseling, or is it the result of both? I think understanding this weakness would go a long way toward finding the right course of action. Perhaps they need to continue therapy, but with a different therapist.