I am heartbroken. My pathetic previous attempt at humor has offended, and my carefully constructed response was just lost to a salon site pass page. Lost never to be recovered or recreated. Suffice to say it was brilliant.

All I can do now is to say that I'm also too close to 50 to consider it old, but that the LW obviously isn't. Now I can't even be sarcastic. The salon site engine has broken my heart. WAIT! I figured out what I'll write my fake SYA letter about. My wonderful second novel that disappeared when my hard drive crashed because my sister-in-law has been using our computer as a server for her amateur porn site ever since she moved in with us six weeks ago. Just have to iron out the details.

But I still think the LW just might be a itty bit shallow.

Hey, first, read what millionthmonkey says about bipolar disorder! That's brilliant, and the end to that part of this discussion, I hope. LW, you don't seem to have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Sorry. The truth is much worse than that. Here it is:

You're boring. All of your problems are of the thrill-seeking variety. Why do you seek thrills? Because you're boring. Life, your bf, your job, whatever: these things are not the issue. You are. It's about you, and the fact that your straight life doesn't do it for you. But why? It's just you! You make all those other decisions, you are the one doing all those other things...Why aren't you more interesting for yourself? I'd guess just laziness. Living a truly interesting life takes a lot of energy and consistent effort. It's a lot easier to just slack off at everything and then find some excitement by playing Russian Roulette. (Figuratively, I mean.)

Of course, CT wants you to be an artistic, creative person. That's all good and well, but that's not the real point. You just need to stop being so boring. You could do that without all the angst. Just start being passionate about something, anything, every day. I suggest gourmet cooking, or perhaps belly dance. Yes, in fact, I think a personal project to combine the two into an exciting new art form is just the thing. Now go amuse yourself, but with something you don't have to hide. And please post your video of Chicken Korma on Open Salon.

for living here in Korea. We don't have to worry about this kind of violence, at all. Until the cowards we Americans elect decide that the NRA is the enemy of the American people, and implement meaningful restrictions on the most dangerous guns (Hint: that's not hunting weapons) I'll be staying here where all we have to worry about is a crazed dictatorship just to our north. The axis of evil is much less of a real threat than our paranoid gun culture. Seriously, there are intelligent differences of opinion, and there is willful stupidity. Our country is obviously suffering from the later.

BTW, a coward is a person who refuses to take necessary actions because he fears the consequences. Tell me, which of our political "leaders" of either party, doesn't qualify to at least some degree? Political triangulation may be intellectually attractive, but, when the enemies of our country (that means our own right) are constantly moving the "discourse" away from rationality toward fear-mongering, I think we have to have the moral courage to say, "Fuck you." I'm trying to keep a perspective on Obama, but it would be nice to actually respect a leader rather than to constantly have to remind myself that we have to grade politicians on a relative scale. For the country's sake, man, grow a pair!

LW admits he has a problem. Now, the problem could be an extraordinary string of bad luck. In that case, stay the course, reach out in other settings, find better friends. You'll be fine.

On the other hand, maybe there is a real problem, but we know very little about what that could be. Maybe you smell bad, LW. Seriously, there may be some personal foible that folks are just too embarrassed to talk to you about that pushes them away. Nobody wants to hang out with the smelly guy, no matter how nice he is. Perhaps the following passage from your letter is a clue:

"I usually want my friends to be the best they can, and I help them in that way. I am always there to listen to their problems, advise them if they want."

Personally, I don't want my friends to be motivational coaches. I want somebody to agree with me that Lebron hasn't proved anything yet, and that Hillary should have never started compromising on health care. But I certainly don't want somebody looking over my shoulder, "encouraging" me to eat better, go to church, work harder, etc. Most people have modest expectations and quickly tire of the "drive for excellence." Maybe, you need to lighten up.

But we don't know, so I say you should contact one of those old friends, a person who you believe to be thoughtful and sincere, explain the problem and ask them straight out, "Is there something about me that is preventing the development of deeper friendships?" Listen carefully and thank them afterward.