Nice change of pace here. Unfortunately, everyone would prefer to give advice to the soon-to-be expat, but the LW needs only to consider one simple thing: Do you want to become a liar for hire? If the friend had simply asked, "Please sign my marriage certificate," then you wouldn't have any problem. But you know it's a lie. So, simply, are you a liar? A person who calmly chooses to lie when it is convenient (not just when necessary?) Or, do you value your honesty, integrity and public image? People will learn that you signed a fake marriage license. They will know that you knew what was up. Just tell them to pay the nice lady at the courthouse to do it. They don't need a minister, they need a Justice of the Peace. Maybe the 37 dollars is more important to them than your integrity, though. Maybe they're not actually your friends.

First of all, I agree that a freeloading, slacker son is a bigger burden than a drifter husband, especially after all the time in this relationship. So, yeah, LW, you are the first problem to be addressed. When I was younger, the problem I found with myself and my friends was that we thought smoking dope was an activity. (How many times did we get high and sit and watch the Simpsons?) It is probably the lack of real activity that results from the pot that leads to the depression. For myself, I made a simple rule: No smoking unless it was together with some real activity, like band practice or hiking or whatever. (Watching TV or listening to music don't count.) That made my life much better, and years later I found that I can live in a country with very harsh drug laws and an abstaining wife and not miss getting high. Why not try my simple little rule? It doesn't even say you can't smoke, just that you can't sit on your ass and smoke. You'll probably find that a lot of your "friends" can't tolerate your new lifestyle, and then you'll find that you don't really miss them.

Oh, yes, email etiquette. Nobody "comes across" another person's email. You were snooping. Even if it happened accidentally, you could have chosen to close the browser without reading, yet you chose to snoop. Knowing this uncomfortable knowledge is your penalty for snooping. Maybe next time you won't be so eager to read someone else's private mail. Or not.

As for an action to take about your father's behavior, why don't you start going with him to "play music"? Who doesn't want a friendly audience? How could he possibly say no? Maybe that would interfere with your dope-smoking, though.

Consider the book of Ecclesiastes. Or the teachings of the Buddha. Study Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs. Or listen to Hendrix. You want achievement. Now, you are learning that achievement is illusory. The solution is not to learn how to strive harder for achievement. You have to learn to let go. Live a small life. Small lives are generally happier. Live in your own body, in your own house, in your own neighborhood, with your own friends. Your job is what you have to do in order to do the things you want to do. Most people can't live well with an all-consuming passion. It's not healthy. Learn not to desire one.

And, yes, I was you once. I walked away from that career, went crazy, found another, got hurt, recovered, kept going and may have found my perfectly-size body of water for my fishiness. And the journey is its own reward. Be wild and free.

People here often assume the worst. You describe an headache; they read a nightmare. So I'll assume that things aren't really that bad and is just the kind of thing that normal people just have to work through. In that case, CT's advice isn't crazy, just not clear enough. He means that everyone has to figure out where you fit in, in the family, on the farm, in their little life. (BTW, I'm sure an intelligent, well-read young woman like yourself realizes that you shouldn't completely discount the value of their lifestyle. Yes, it isn't what you want now, but your values will change as you age. That's not something that you can control. Accept it.)

Perhaps once everyone figures out your niche, things will be better. So, who are you when you visit there? It sounds like your role is currently just "outsider". Of course you don't like it there! So, the counter intuitive solution is to start spending enough time there for you to develop a role, and for him and his family to adapt to it. What do you do? Help in the garden? Hang out with the cows? Or just hide in the computer room? Embrace some aspect of their lifestyle, and make it fit you. Use it as a leverage point to establish a deeper relationship. Then, I think the problems about time balance will solve themselves.

Can't think of anything that you can take hold of in their little lives? Then you still have some growing to do. That's ok, though. You're young. Take your time.

You must be good. You must work hard. You must study grammar. You must improve the logic of your writing. You must do the chores. You must listen to those other people who want to tell you all the things that they think you don't know. You must make responsible adult choices about everything: finances, birth control, relationships, pets, insurance, meal plans, schedules, fashion and music taste.

Sometimes the only vacation you can afford is to give youself the freedom to smile and say, "So what?" Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes you say, "So what?" and start a chain reaction that leads to unimagined places and the outcome can never be clear. Sometimes, though, it isn't really a gamble to risk not much of anything at the moment.

But you'd better just do what you're supposed to do.