I thought that some quantitative data might help you recognize that the "Bible Belt" is not the monolithic entity that the "bicoastal elites" perceive it to be. Take a look at the county by county election results for the 2008 election:

http://elections.nytimes.com/2008/results/president/map.html

If you look at Alabama, you'll see a couple of interesting things. Most obviously, there's a big band of strong Obama support that divides the state! What's up with that? (Large AA communities in those areas: Selma, Montgomery, etc.) You'll also note that Birmingham is more liberal than the rest of the state. Why? It's a cultural magnet + the racial component. Finally, if you take a close look at counties in the northern part of the state, you'll find some of the strongest McCain support in the country: 84% of Blount County! On the other hand, Madison County was a much closer 57/42% split. That falls well within the range of results you see in places like Pennsylvania, Ohio AND NEW YORK! To summarize these results, Alabama (and of course the other states, to varying degrees) are not the horror show that you've built up in your imagination. Yes, you can still find snake-handlers in North-East Alabama, but they are dwindling rapidly. Yes, Cullman and Blount Counties are among the whitest places in the US, but you're not going THERE, are you? Huntsville has a thriving multi-ethnic community driven by the demands of the high-tech defense industry; it sounds like the place you're talking about.

Stop being such a bigot and try to expand your narrow little world.

Who knows? Maybe your son will learn to love hunting, fishing and Alabama football! (That's really what you're afraid of, isn't it? He'll get of in the south and go feral...)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the real problem here is your bf's dope smoking. Yes, you didn't say anything about that because that isn't the problem; I mean, you like to smoke up, too! Yeah, well, some folks can enjoy it recreationally, but other folks lose the ability to think more than 8 hours into the future. That's your bf. What are you going to do about it, though? The only way he'll improve is to stop smoking. However, that will change his personality. Are you sure you want him to be all serious? Are you ready to stop smoking yourself? Because if you really want him to change, that's what it will take. And it might not work. He won't see why he needs to quit smoking. Tell him you want the two of you, as an experiment to stop smoking for six months. Just six months. That'll be plenty of time to recognize what's going on. And it'll be way too long for him to pass off as getting clean for a piss test. His buddies will not understand. Among pot smokers, you must not ever indicate that smoking is causing a real (not legal) problem for you. That is an absolute taboo. Both of you will be ostracized, and you will be called a ball-cutting bitch. Are you ready for that?

Also, you may not need to quit yourself, and you may not want to. In that case, you need to leave this guy, now. There are other recreational pot smokers out there, guys who can handle their business, but you can't turn this guy into one of them. He's either a slacker/stoner or not. Life is, in reality, full of absolutes. This is one of them. Maybe when you're both in your 40s you can enjoy the occasional Friday night bowl.

Maybe I'm completely wrong, in which case I apologize for allowing my own experiences color my response. I do think this is a highly probable scenario, though, and I ask you: If pot is not the real problem, what do you have to lose by conducting my little experiment? You'll save a bunch of money, you'll learn about yourselves, you'll feel good that you're trying to address your problems and, if I'm wrong, you'll be confident about smoking in the future. The only reason you (either of you) are hesitating is that you really do have a REAL problem. BTW, going clean is a great way to find out who your real friends are. They'll support you, and won't try to get you to give up. Also, you'll be relieved to know that Jon Stewart is still funny.

I hope that was an off-the-cuff comment and not really representative of your true attitude about cooking and the sexes. It did, however, get me fired up to go off topic! My apologies. Nothing more to see here, folks, move on!

Life is short, and there are few chances to create and enjoy something beautiful. Food gives us all that opportunity, multiple times a day, if only we'll embrace it. Unfortunately, too many of us have seriously unhealthy relationships to food. It is not a demon temptress that we must defeat. You cook to feed? Why not cook to love? Seriously, how much better would our lives be if we stopped spending our time and money on fake culture. Of course, I forget that most people wouldn't know a roux from a remoulade.

You know, one of the advantanges of an expat life is that things aren't easy. Soup is not something you buy in cans. Am I proud of this (Cooking to feed the ego?) Why aren't you? If you're not proud of your cooking, maybe you should learn to do it better. And before everyone goes off on me about the economic realities of modern life, I will simply say that MOST Americans have had the chance to choose their own economic and social realities. I, for sure, have been so blessed.