CT missed the most important point here. The problem is that you and your husband are not acting together on this, for whatever reason. If you help this girl, it will happen because you do it together. Right now it sounds as if the two of you are not communicating at all and have different strategies about her. It's time to change that.

The two of you have to have a long, serious discussion about the niece, without her around to interfere. You have to make this happen. Your husband will not. He is not thinking, just feeling, so you will have to do the thinking for him. Hopefully, he's aware enough to recognize truth when he hears it. Tell him that you know that he loves his niece, that that makes you happy, and that you want to love and nurture her, too. Everybody agrees that we want what it best for her.

Then you have to get him to see that what is best for her may not be what she thinks she wants. She is young and traumatized, and she is trying to protect herself by recreating a dominant male who is focused on her. This is all she knows. You have to show your husband that this will hurt her in the long run. She should learn that love is inclusive, not isolating. He must help you stop her competition for attention. He must ignore her when she tries to distract him from you. He has to remember that you are his wife, and then you both have to be prepared for the acting-out that will ensue when she feels threatened by her demotion. In the movies, this would be resolved by your taking her shopping.

Finally, both you and your husband should remember that 13 doesn't last forever. You can try to be compassionate to both of them, and he can try to be more firm. Tell each other that you know the next year will be a difficult test, and that you want to come out the other side a stronger, more loving couple.

Soon, she'll have a boyfriend, and you'll have a whole new set of problems.

LW, if you read any of this, read Allie's two posts. They are the gospel. Of course, everyone sees the incest angle; how could an American not, what with the pornification of our culture? You are the best person to evaluate that. Just because a bunch of people read something on the internet and think it is so doesn't mean anything. What do you think is happening? What does your husband say about it? That is what is important. On the other hand, DO talk to that lawyer. Maybe even one for you and your husband and another just for you.

To all those posters whose advice was just "Leave him": What's wrong with a little conversation before the divorce? Always with the worst case planning...Reality is usually somewhere between those extremes.

One of the greatest pleasures in life is walking into a hated bosses office and, knowing that your path forward is set and all your needs and issues handled, telling her that you quit. Then, you smile. Asking how much notice she wants. Being perfectly civil. Not being worried. Enjoying the moment of freedom. Turning down the offered raise.

The key here is that you must be absolutely happy and unstressed about the experience to fully enjoy it. If you are worried about your next job, etc., the opportunity will be wasted. Chances to quit a job are too rare to squander. Use your head, and remember: the difference between a job and a hobby is that a job is inherently unpleasant. That's why they pay you. Despicable bosses are the norm; that's a big lesson you don't learn in school. Now, you know. Few are those who search for happiness and fulfillment in their career and actually find it.

Bite the bullet, ride out these rough times, and be ready to strike when opportunity arises.

There are some lessons we must teach our children as quickly as possible: Don't play with fire. Look both ways. Share with the other kids.

Other lessons we just might want to delay. Others we might just hope that our children never have to learn. I'd say that this kind of cynicism definitely belongs in the delay group. Does teaching a six-year old to disregard the visible suffering of others help to instill the kinds of moral values you want the child to have? There's plenty of time in life to learn all of its disappointments.

Hey, if this is really a problem for you, why not take the kid to a shelter and show him the correct way to practice compassion? Cheaper to just let Jr. give the bum his snack money, isn't it?