Letters to the Editor
Rachael F.
Published Letters: 157 Editor's Choice: 17
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Some have said similar things,
[Read the article: I'm a suburban husband in my 40s and I think I'm getting depressed]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]But I wanted to address Cary's preface, anyway. In particular, this:
But there are others that seem to come from pure disgust, hatred and outrage, that seem to be directed at me, personally, the actual person writing the column.
Those letters are mis-directed at you, personally. In my opinion.
After years of observation, I've drawn this conclusion: people who feel powerless in their own (3D) lives write those letters, and hundreds of thousands like them in other places, every day, all over the web. They take out their, yes, disgust, hatred, and outrage on people they've never met, and - importantly - WILL never meet. They can feel powerful because they've made someone feel the way they do every day of their lives.
It's pitiful and annoying and, yes, hurtful if you're the one they've decided to use as a target.
But it's not about you. I write that meaning for it to sound encouraging - nothing you've done or said could ever justify the level of internal filth some of these posters spew your way. It's all about them, and it always will be. It's sad, really.
I speak from experience - I moderate a posting board elsewhere in the Web, and periodically we get posters whose only goal in signing on seems to be to create drama or denigrate others in order to fill some void in their lives. Luckily, we don't have to care about freedom of expression to the detriment of our internet family (we've been around four years, and those of us who've been there the whole time do feel like a second family), and when a post is far off-topic and massively insulting, we delete it. And warn the poster. If it continues, we ban that poster. I wish you could do the same.
I read your column every day. I hope you'll see this letter and the dozens of other supportive posts, and take the pat on the back and virtual hug you deserve. Try not to let it get to you, and when it does, remember how very empty and sad the lives of those who have nothing better to do than spend a morning making Cary Tennis feel bad must be.
Now maybe I'll read the actual response. ;)
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Okay
[Read the article: I'm a suburban husband in my 40s and I think I'm getting depressed]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My (deceased) father could have written this. He slipped into depression and subsequently alcoholism in his 40's, and never really got back up. He hated his work, but felt trapped in it. He used to play drums in a rock and roll band, but hadn't done that in years.
Cary's advice is spot-on, IMO - especially this: get thee to a medical professional, and if they give you advice take it.
And take care of yourself. My dad died of hypertensive cardiovascular disease, brought on by alcohol and failure to exercise, eat right, or see his doctor for care. He was 55 years old.
And also? What worked for me, in my one bout with serious depression, was this: I decided not to be depressed anymore. I know it sounds ridiculous, but what it really means was that I took Cary's advice. I behaved as though I wasn't depressed, no matter how I felt, no matter how hard it was. I got up, ate, went to work, went to lunch with friends, went to the movies, went to the gym, talked to my girlfriends, did everything I didn't want to do. Did NOT allow myself to lie around feeling sad. If I was gonna feel sad, I was going to have to do it from a standing position. ;) Every time I started to think how much I disliked myself, I stopped. Told myself I was being irrational. Listed the reasons why I should very much LIKE myself.
Gradually, I became the person I was pretending to be. In my case, it took a year or so. I can't swear it'll work for you, but give it a try, eh?
Oh, and try the drugs, if your docs think you need them. I don't believe most cases of depression require medicating, but a few months of chemical support might give you what you need to stand up on your own again. Give it a few months; if they don't work, or you don't feel they're needed, then stop.
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The data on chromosome abnormalities
[Read the article: On coffee and miscarriages]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Are largely based on exactly that - karyotyping of spontaneously aborted fetuses. When tissue is available. Sorting out the cells from even a "heavy period" wouldn't be that hard (speaking from experience in doing all sorts of microscopy) for a trained professional. It is the case, though, that most very early miscarriages are simply flushed, so the data for "early" and "late" are considerably better than for "so early you barely knew you were pregnant".
So, where data are available, it indicates that most miscarriages are due to chromosome abnormalities. It has been generally assumed (though there aren't good data to back it up) that the trend would be the same for those miscarriages for which data are difficult to collect. In addition, animal studies (mice, rats, non-human primates) are much easier to ensure good data collection for, and in those cases, chromosome abnormalities are nearly always to blame for spontaneous abortion.
If you're really interested in numbers, you can start with Pat Hunt and/or Terry Hassold's work at Case Western.
And "limit caffeine" has been the advice of OBs for decades now. Less than two cups a day, they say, which is pretty much exactly the "danger zone" this study indicates. As a rule, it's a good idea to avoid drugs in general if possible while you've got a developing human inside you.
The hypothyroidism thing isn't a secret, either - it's one of the first things they test when faced with unexplained infertility, in my experience (my experience being that of someone watching others procreate or not, as the case may be).