Letters to the Editor
chicgeek
Published Letters: 9 Editor's Choice: 2
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Somewhat Off-Topic
[Read the article: I'm mentally ill but I'm no mass killer]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]But I feel the need to corrent the blatantly incorrect information offered by a previous poster regarding self-injury.
Obviously I know nothing about the self injury of the LW, but I think the psychologist should be excused because what he said does apply to the vast majority of cases of self injury...
I have spent a lifetime working with people who have mental illnesses and have almost never known a case in which someone has self injured when there was no possibility of getting medical attention...
The notion that all, or even most individuals self injure for the sake of manipulating others or gaining attention has been proven profoundly wrong repeatedly in a range of medical studies and surveys. The view espoused above is both wrong-headed, and inconsistent with the modern understanding of this complex behavior that manifests itself as a symptom of several different mood and personality disorders. It's also extremely dangerous, in that it overtly shames and punishes victims, many of whom are asking for the help they desperately need in the only way they know how. This is a problem that requires comprehensive and compassionate treatment before those suffering can learn to control the impulse, treatment they are unlikely to solicit if they anticipate being blamed by individuals such as this poster for being "narcissistic."
Self-injury is an issue that I have struggled with for quite some time, with the assistance of in and out patient treatment. I personally have actively avoided seeking medical attention for my wounds, and have yet to ever encounter a person whose motivation was to solicit a reaction or garner attention from medical personnel. In fact, secrecy is usually the order of the day, and I speak from experience when I say that there is nothing more frustrating to a self-injurer than a full body check for new bruises or wounds.
Unless we happen to be qualified mental health professionals, it is not for us to say what ot how another person suffers, or to attempt to plumb the motivations of a psyche other than our own. This is, if I understand correctly, the core of Cary's response, and it's a sentiment all armchair psychologists ought to consider before offering diagnoses and assessments based more on personal need and experience than a genuine respect for the complex nature of both the individual brain and the workings of society.
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Thanks DonaQuixote
[Read the article: I'm mentally ill but I'm no mass killer]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You stated much more simply and precisely what I was attempting to convey in my screed.
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Thoughts
[Read the article: Take to the phones!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I like the "Women's Liberty Act," the "Reproductive Freedom Act" or the "Reproductive Rights Bill."
I think the key here is to remind people that what we are fighting for is about a fundamental, constitutionally guaranteed right. As in, one of those things that is meant to be inviolate under that Constitution we have. Obviously my primary problem with the SCOTUS decision is that it is limiting abortion, but the more fundamental problem that the act should address (or appear to address, at any rate) is that it directly denies a constitutional right to privacy and self-determination. Based on the current title the bill seems too much about abortion and not about protecting an indnvidual's ability to make informed decisions. The former is something that inspires a knee-jerk "no" in anyone who doesn't read the bill (and, let's face it, most won't), while the latter re-focuses the argument to some degree and more neatly encompasses the philosophical underpinnings of the argument against the SCOTUS decision.
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The Kids
[Read the article: A 19-year-old wants my husband]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It's one thing to advise two consenting adults in a romantic relationship to engage in an unorthodox "experiment" with the goal of helping someone, it's another thing entirely to encourage two parents to do the same thing. In scenario number one the only two people who might be harmed by a explosion in the lab are grownups with, hopefully, enough self-awareness or understanding to process the situation. Add children to the ingredients, however, and I can all but gaurantee that someone is going to end up more than a little damaged even if nothing goes seriously and publicly awry.
Children are simply not capable of parsing the multitude of nuances present in platonic adult relationships, let alone those involving sex. This is why we don't have sex with children, and why kindergarteners, junior and high schoolers tend to do well when presented with clear limits and structures. The realtionship the LW is proposing, even if not harmful to her marriage or herself, presents her children with an extremely confusing set of messages about what is and is not okay between adults and youngsters. A toddler may come away from this experience thinking that a sexual relationship, or even one that's only sexually charged, is normal and thus be more susceptible to abuse by an outside authority figure. A teenage boy or girl may feel extremely threatened by her parents' condoning the sexualization of a person not much older than him/herself. Any child, no matter what his or her age, will likely feel competitive with the outsider, particularly if there is a perception that the interloper is receive a particular kind of preferential attention.
Your intentions may be good, LW, and if your family consisted solely of you and your husband I might find Carey's advice more plausible, but the presence of children in your life makes the idea of introducing this troubled young woman a complete no-go, especially in the context that you are suggesting. Empathizing with another person is a good thing, and speaks well of one's character, but your first responsibility here is to your own children, who have first claim on your emotional resources. In black and white terms this may mean you let this young woman flounder and drown in her own poor choices, and that's a difficult idea to stomach. Watching the effects of her poor choices decimate your own family, however, would be excruciating.