Letters to the Editor
ClaraWalpole
Published Letters: 34 Editor's Choice: 2
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Your snide superiority complex...
[Read the article: I believe in UFOs. Am I crazy?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...is what makes you insane.
If you believe in UFOs, alien or otherwise, I'm happy that you have found something to believe in that engages your intellect and interest.
But imagine that one of your friends has just found religion, or the joys of having a first baby, or what they believe to be conclusive evidence of a different conspiracy theory, and instead of letting it be a personal passion, they make it into a crusade. Suddenly they believe that their pet interest was not being given the attention it deserved. They're talking all the time about Jesus or the New World Order. They treat non-parents with pity and scorn. They think that you're a sheep because their interest is not yours.
Not so attractive anymore?
It's good to find something in life that to become engaged in, as long as you don't start believing that one thing is the only important thing that everyone should study. If you can become more interested in SHARING what you've learned, and less interested in PREACHING about it, I bet you'll find that some of the people previously unreceptive toward you become willing to listen.
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happy, single, and childfree
[Read the article: He's ramping up the pressure but I don't want to commit]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Like the poster above me, Cary's advice makes me happy and makes me feel less crazy. Not that I need validation to be HAPPY, but it's always nice knowing you're not the only one.
I've realized that I don't want to be married. And I've realized that I don't want to have children.
I'm not 100% inflexible- I wouldn't refuse a marriage that I strongly wanted. But right now and for many years, this is how I've felt and now that I've learned to break away from family and societal pressure and believe that my decisions are normal and healthy, I am happier than ever.
I will not marry someone, no matter how nice they are, no matter how much my parents like him, no matter how happy I MIGHT be in the future, just because getting married is what women do.
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she shouldn't be considered strange by most people...
[Read the article: I'm strange. But am I authentically strange? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]... but I get where the LW is coming from.
If you've been lucky enough to grow up among people who don't think that young women are just empty uteri waiting to be filled with babies, then her "problem" doubtlessly seems like empty angst or at least fairly mundane.
I'm a childfree woman in my mid-20s. I am not militant or publicly outspoken about my personal life decision, but I do not make a secret of it because it is not shameful. In 90% of my life, it's a non-issue.
But in a few situations, people have been incredibly ugly toward me and said some of most hateful things possible, just because I said that I didn't want children. Also, since I grew up in an evangelical Christian environment, I am almost the only one of my childhood friends who isn't married with children. It is obvious that they find me "strange" and almost rebellious, and after spending just a little bit of time around them, I start to feel like the LW even though I generally regard my choices as normal.
Maybe instead of feeling strange and different, the LW should start finding friends and a community where her choices in life are accepted. It doesn't mean she has to give up her old friends or conform 100% to a group mentality, but to find support in people who care about her.
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I wish the LW had been my friend before I'd gotten married...
[Read the article: Can this marriage be stopped?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think that the LW should at least address his concerns with his friend's relationship.
Several years ago, I was the friend. I was more functional and not as old- but I wasn't working, very depressed, and thinking that finding a man would equal stability.
I found a controlling man who sounds a good deal like the male version of this man's girlfriend.
And not one of my friends so much as said they were concerned.
But after the divorce, plenty of people said they'd seen red flags, but declined to mention them because they thought it was none of their business and that I must know what I was doing.
I don't fault them for that, especially since I hid the extent of my depression, but I do feel that a true friend who knew me as well as the LW knows his friend should have told me.
I wish someone had told me. And I wished it every day of my terrible marriage.