This is going to sound weird. I was on a flight out of O'Hare a few days ago. Just before it was our turn to take off, the airport shut down the runways because of the weather. That was bad enough, but what came next was truly obnoxious. More puzzling was my reaction.

The flight crew said we could stand in the aisles, which several people did. A 60-ish man across the aisle from me stood up, but he violated an unwritten rule of airplane-aisle etiquette: this guy stood with his butt inches from my face.

Within moments, I smelled something awful. Could it be? I had my iPod headphones on (The Boss), so I hadn't heard anything. I pulled them off, and within seconds heard a faint fart coming from the backside that was all but in my face. Then came the smell again. And then he farted again! I couldn't believe it.

More puzzling was my response. I was totally turned on beyond belief. I wanted to rub myself and I'm a guy and straight! I wanted to tell him to keep going -- keep farting as it was the only joy this inane stalled flight gave me. I was willing to pay! And yet, I didn't want to embarrass myself, so I made eye contact with the farter (as I imagine gay guys do) and nudged my head subtly towards the toilet stalls in the back.

The farter looked at me sheepishly, like there was a booger on my noise or I was nuts. But I knew I wasn't. I was turned ON! I felt like screaming...MORE, MORE, NOW, NOW. I never said anything...and in another minute, he sat down and grabbed Hemispheres Magazine and started trolling the gadget section.

I directed my air nozzle from his direction, hoping to gather more butt stink that so excited me in my direction as I suffered in silence.

What explains my behavior? More important, what would you have done in this situation?

-- Likes It Smelly

P.S. As the flight finally got rolling towards the run way the farter leaned over, sort of wrinkled his nose and said, "It was a wet one too!" I just about fainted.

P.P.S. Salon...what's with the fart letters? Is this light summer letters for high school sophomores?

P.P.P.S. to LW: Some times shits happens...but it only turns out to be a fart.

Scenario: two 40-something guys on a hike talking and complaining about women in their age range, or the lack of decent, compatible ones.

Hiker #1 yammers on about how "women in their 40s are loons."

Hiker #2 responds, "Anyone, man or woman, in their 40s who isn't married yet or isn't in a solid relationship is messed up and has major baggage."

Hiker #3 laughs, "Okay, I'll shut up."

Street runs both way...pot, kettle, black...etc.

For once we see Joe Lieberman not smiling the smile of the ingratiated, butt-kissing, turn-coat, weenie-hawk that he is.

My god, without the glare of his smile, it's so apparent his puss is severely pruned from all that time stuck firmly between the butt cheeks of the GOP right and YET his eyes are steely reminders that yes, if need be, he'd shiv you in the back for questioning him...or because he must.

Indeed, a picture is worth a thousand words.

WTF, is Cammy serious with this little diddy:

"Perhaps only George Lucas' multilayered, six-film "Star Wars" epic can genuinely claim classic status, and it descends not from Bergman or Antonioni but from Stanley Kubrick and his pop antecedents in Hollywood science fiction."

Anyone who thinks SW is a classic and references Bergman, Antonioni and Kubrick to infer similar qualities to Lucas is ("perhaps") a hack.

SW (and Lucas) is what it is - extremely well produced matinee flicks with faux mythology that bridged Hollywood's past with the current big PR mega-blockbuster schlock.

If anything Lucas (and Spielberg) are the fathers of current mess of Hollywood pix -- b-movie formula drivel backed with bigs bucks to live on as a marketing op like toys.

If anything Lucas and his buddies killed art house by squeezing the life out of the market so nothing else could exist. In wanker terms -- they carpet bombed art house.

Hey Barry is a great player. He was before he took 'roids and would have made the Hall of Fame regardless. Of course he got even better after 'roids. In the whole scheme of things however I don't blame him for taking them (it's not like he's alone) although philosophically I disagree greatly although I'm not going to lose any sleep on the whole deal. There is however a simple lesson to be learned...it's about karma.

If Barry was mellower coming up, less of a prick, demonstrated a little humility, people probably would be less harsh despite a real racial factor in the negativity. Of course Barry wasn't mellow coming up and he is a prick...and thus karma is how paying back with a tainted record and weirdness towards him. Oh well, he can't take it back, nor can we.

A-rod is going to break BB's record any way. He's 32 and has 500 HRs. Hell he might hit a 1,000.

Lordy, lets hope these GOP twits continue to pummel each other with the "holy" stick and ream each other with the "moral" probe of fire because ultimately '08 isn't going to be about that.

There's much bigger crap hitting the fan - war, huge deficit, heathcare crisis, mortgage peril (a dumping economy)...and all the faux morals and holiness isn't going to change that.

I only hope the Democrats have enough sense (and balls) to take the notes and nail them on their holy position when they (Rudy or Mitt) ultimately flop back to center...at which point, hopefully the super holy right will take out their own holy sticks and moral probes and vote for neither.