Letters to the Editor
DM
Published Letters: 20 Editor's Choice: 7
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"A way out that doesn't involve my family"
[Read the article: I've been passing out drunk and it's getting worse]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't see a way out that doesn't involve your family. At least some of them (the understanding adult ones) might be a huge support in your recovery process. And as much as you think you are excellent at hiding your behavior, they may already know.
The other problem is avoiding pain. The process of therapy is often emotionally very painful, as you dredge out all those horrible things that are bugging at you, bring them to the surface to deal with them, and learn to live with them. And learn to have them not hurt you so damn much. Maybe that's not the appropriate therapy for your condition. Maybe it is, and you need to suffer through, I don't know, I'm just pointing out alternatives. But if you can do it in such a way that you don't numb the pain with alcohol, perhaps there can be progress?
Mind you, I have no experience that means I know or understand what you are going through. Just remember that those who love you can be a wonderful supportive help as you heal. Or sometimes perfect strangers can be that support.
There is hope, and it is possible to get through, and I think Cary's right, there are directions you have not tried. Good for you for asking for help, LW.
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ism vs. ism
[Read the article: Quote of the day]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]sexism vs. racism
I don't care which one is "winning", that is which one is prevalent in "our society". I just care that both exist and that in and of itself is a problem.
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Experiment
[Read the article: I'm an absent-minded engineer; my mind wanders and so does my wallet]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]1) For the wallet, yes, a system helps.
2) For not paying attention, experiment. Give yourself three months of a different type of behavior modification before deciding it didn't work. If you want to change yourself you can, but it takes time as well as finding out what works for you. I'm sure there will be many other ideas in the comments.
a) For instance, take notes in meetings. That helps focus and keeps the mind from wandering. Try doing it with pen and paper. Try taking notes with a computer or palmtop (if allowed and if it doesn't distract with all the websurfing). You'll find the brain processes stuff differently depending on the method.
b) Re-assess your current projects and goals if you find the mind wandering distracts from important work.
c) Make sure to keep a strict work/personal life cutoff. If you're working too much at home or on weekends (perhaps late night debugging), it's very difficult to end up with enough time to be yourself to relax and let your mind wander and enjoy life. Or at least it is for all the lab types I know.
d) Adhere to a schedule of some sort. Having regularity and structure in your life can help you focus. Get that regular exercise, giving yourself a minimum requirement of so many days a week can really make your mind less fuzzy.
e) Make sure to have time for that fun creative musical outlet. Heck, give yourself a minimum requirement of so many hours a week at playtime.
f) If schedules just aren't your thing, try to have it average out that you have a good work-home balance, allow yourself a plus or minus where you don't have to do a strict schedule, you just have reasonable goals of an average change in what you get done.
g) Do a regular cleaning on the weekend.
h) Reading those professional journal articles are the bane to many. Maybe you can find a colleague to discuss them with, or form a journal club. Having homework can force you to do the reading
i) cut caffeine out
j) cut alcohol out, or reduce sugar or something
k) Most of all, accept that you are a fabulous wonderful person with great gifts, a good job, and valued friends. Yeah it's cheesy, but true.
l) Is professional standing or your happiness the most important?
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turn signal
[Read the article: We drive as we live]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Not using a turn signal to indicate you're going to change lanes or turn: illegal
Going over the speed limit: illegal
Tailgating (in some states): illegal
Driving on the shoulder (unless otherwise marked): illegal
I haven't checked if this is true in all states, but I thought it was. We became very cavalier about breaking laws because getting somewhere faster than everyone else is more important, and there's a pretty low risk of getting caught. However we're completely ignoring the high risk to life.
I believe in signaling even if there's nobody around (in a few cases, I didn't notice the pedestrian or bike, and having been the person walking have a car suddenly cut into my path without warning is bad). Frankly, it's pretty simple to do these things, to have courtesy and work with the traffic around you, and it reduces your risk, and the risk of lives around you.
Have a car related death in your family and come to the realization that all that anger, those on the road rage games, distractions during driving are JUST NOT WORTH IT. Yeah, there's still risk, but we can do better.