I think that women are unhappy because feminism didn't go far ENOUGH.

Give women equal pay, subsidized childcare, universal health insurance and decent public schools. These are the issues. With those things, the choices we keep nattering on about actually ARE choices - as opposed to just another invitation to take on way too much, and try to balance what can fundamentally not be balanced.

I actually know something about the CPC's and recent maternity home movement, having done a ton of research on this exact subject. I think it's interesting that most of the information in this article, including the single true-life story is about 10 years old. When I was doing research for an upcoming episode of Morgan Spurlock's 30 DAYS, there was indeed a growing number of maternity homes, but most of them said they didn't have much luck with getting girls to form an adoption plans. Only a few of the homes had adoption services attached to them. And the Bethany chain of CPC's - though vast in theory- rarely seemed to pick up the phone, often forwarding calls to the home phone of some elderly volunteer. In fact, most of the other maternity homes said they wished that they had a decent way of being able to broach the subject of adoption with the women who came there, but felt that it was too coercive, and that the girls weren't usually emotionally mature enough to make the decision in any kind of healthy way. At the same time, a small group of maternity homes had recently had a conference, discussing their contribution to a "social ill", which was poor, uneducated women with no skills or money, who became excellent candidates for homelessness when they were moved out of the home. The Nation piece seems to have thrived on a pitched thesis, and not on actual in-depth research. Also, it seems to be popular for adoption to be portrayed as yet another unfair manipulation of the status quo by the wealthy. While this has been the situation in some cases, well documented by now in numerous investigative pieces, it is not always the case.

You are asking, "Why is it that I get to be me, and she has to be her?""

Why do you get to figure out and move through your problems and she just can't seem to buy Kleenex to dry her tears without getting a parking ticket.

You are wondering if maybe you are missing something, and that she really isn't to blame for all that is happening. You are wondering if you are wrong about thinking you have it mostly figured out.

You feel bad for being safe and right while she collapses in the driveway. You wonder when people can be helped because you hope that she can be helped because you are tired of trying to figure out why you have been saved and she hasn't.

Well, there's no answer to this. People learn when they are ready and not one second sooner. You probably can't figure out why on earth she can't get it together when the custody of her child is at stake, why she can't at least be reasonable. Well, she can't. And if everyone in this story is lucky, at some point she will try to articulate why she couldn't pull it together at this crucial time.

We can unfortunately only live our own lives. We can only help people when they actually want help. Otherwise, we can talk endlessly, but it just rolls off.

Just be grateful. Try to be empathetic. Be kind.

First of all, I want to congratulate you on being honest with yourself about your feelings, and leaving yourself vulnerable to an army of haters on Salon letters. You must have balls of steel.

And since you have balls of steel, you can probably find a way to work with this situation.

It sounds like the main thing you have been doing is trying to act like a mother to these kids. But you aren't, you married their father, and unless being a second mother to these kids was part of the deal, there might be a way to step back from that role and become something else. Your father's partner who is happy to drive them places. The nice woman who buys them their favorite foods that they can make themselves. The provider of boss DVD's.

Chance are your man has been doing singe parenthood for a while. And, honestly, he might have been looking forward to passing the ball to you when he married you. But he married you for your best qualities, we hope, and if that person needs more alone time, so be it. If he can't get behind the changes needed to keep you sane, then he might be your soul mate, but he's being an inflexible jerk.

Change one thing at a time. Don't try to do too much at one time. Have patience.

You don't have to like the kids. You just have to be kind. You don't have to be a smiling, happy happy happy stepmom - you just have to relaxed and honest. Don't be sarcastic, and don't feel that they have expectations of you. Insecure people who look for affirmation from children usually just make kids nervous, and when they're nervous, they are never at their best.

This is a great challenge, but a great opportunity to realize your own boundaries.