I haven't been keeping up with the letters, but if no one's mentioned this it's an absolute must. Terrific movie. It has it all: Ireland, kids, gypsies, a magic white horse; adventure, quest, magic. Throw in superb handling of serious thematic issues like identity, family, racism, death. And the performances are great, especially the kids. And the horse is beautiful. It really is a movie you do not want to miss.

For older kids of course. But I remember loving this in grade school.

If no one has congratulated you on your headline yet, let me be the first. If they have, then I add my vote of approval. I'm against all torture in principle but my primitive vengeful voice says Bush should, indeed, be...probed.

LW, your letter resonates with me. I have done, or accused myself of doing, many of the same things.

The great struggle of my life has been with what a therapist has recently defined for me as attachment disorder. I learned that to survive, I need to believe certain things about myself. None of them are healthy. They revolve around the idea that I'm in some way "not good enough." If I'm "not good enough," a failure, an incapable mess, I'll get responded to--not in the sense of being taken care of as a basket case, but in an unhealthy dynamic where someone (in my case, my mother) kept herself attached by needing "unworthy" people around her (her children).

Is this who I am? Not really. I'm intelligent, well-educated, empathetic, creative. Does my life reflect those things? Not anywhere near as much as it should, or could, but I'm learning. Attachment is a fundamental human need. Once we've learned how to get that need met by the people we depend on when we're very young, we tend to keep repeating the behavior.

The trap is that the familiar is easy. The beauty is that you can unlearn this, by remembering to love yourself, by practicing in other relationships. Remember to do it every day, even if it's just in a small way! Remember to be aware of the all-too-familiar. The alcohol, or whatever substance, is secondary to me.

And: I doubt you really took advantage of men the way you say you did. I think you were just practicing relationships in the only way you'd learned how (and remember it's a two-way street). Quit beating yourself up!

Goodapples writes: "He is good at making excuses for himself and he has attacked her in a public forum."

Yep. And if he's so smooth at portraying her as vicious and unreasonable, and he has done it so well as to bring 80% of 147 letters (so far, give or take) down on her head vilifying her, how good do you think he is at the passive aggressive argument, in which he attacks passively, perhaps under the radar, letting himself look blameless, until she's so frustrated she throws something because she can't get heard or tell the truth?? Been there, done that. I don't think a valid response is possible here without hearing her side of the story.

Funny--I'm guessing some of those who criticize Cary's advice-giving are also some of those who jumped right onto the one-sided She's A Bitch Dump Her bandwagon. A little bit of the pot calling the kettle black, eh?

Anyway, if I were Dee it would be over. I'd never forgive this little stunt of his.

Just in case you haven't figured it out yet, She's-A-Bitch writers, you've been co-opted. He let you know she was going to read it. You took the bait and participated.

Really. Read the letter again. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He wants out, and he wants a way out without telling the truth: to her, to us, and most importantly, to himself. LW, what's your part in it?

As for her being psycho and calling the cops: Get over it. She threw a necklace. "Officer, she threw a necklace! Come put her away!"

To be clear, I never said it was okay or excusable to throw things. I meant to convey that there might be more of a two-way street than LW wants us to see. And, I don't think that throwing a necklace makes somebody psycho, nor do I think one instance of necklace-throwing makes someone an abuser. LW mentioned no other instance of acting out.

What disturbed me was the disingenuous tone of the letter. Too many facts missing; too much subtle deprecation. If this is the script behind the arguing, it is incredibly cruel to then post it in a public venue. At that point, psycho could indeed be an apt term for LW.

I thought you were referring to me because I wrote, "how good do you think he is at the passive aggressive argument, in which he attacks passively, perhaps under the radar, letting himself look blameless, until she's so frustrated she throws something because she can't get heard or tell the truth?"

Which sounds like a justification. It's not, but it's a possible chain of events. And if he engages in making her lose it that bad, then she is being abused, and yes, she should leave. We'll never know because there are too many gaps in that letter. And there's too much Good LW, Bad Dee, to make me comfortable with LW.

I think those time-honored sexisms ("women are childish") are still alive and well if not quite as pronounced, and I think that generally you're right about not encouraging behavior that seems to reinforce them. But we are all human, and once in a while a human being slams a door. While not attractive, that seems forgivable. Making someone crazy enough to throw things is a whole separate issue, and if that's what's happening she needs to ask herself what she's doing staying there. Reminds me of a great old movie btw.