What an unusual real name! Is it a family name? (big tongue in cheek nudge and a wink)

I actually agree with your post, that many posts are ouchy and vicious for no real reason, except that certain topics seem to stimulate people's own issues. Alas, a fair percentage clearly don't read the entire column they are commenting on and/or the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy's long term goal of decimating public education REALLY IS turning us into a nation of people who can no longer form rational arguments to anything.

In my life I have faced the consequences of telling lies, then being found out or telling the truth about my lies, and it feels horrible and usually makes things a lot worse for a while. I've noticed that doing the right thing doesn't always feel very good while it's being done. I have found that people hate being lied to almost more than anything else. But the wise person knows that we all lie at times, no one is immune to the inclination to lie, or to be lied to. I also know that I have lied for a variety of reasons, some more benign than others, but lying always robs everyone of the opportunity to rise to the experience of livng with the truth. The person being lied to may hold the powerful need to be lied to in order to preserve an ideal they hold dear. The person who lies is afraid of something, at least in my experience I was afraid of being left if I told the truth or afraid to let go of the control and power that I thought I gained from withholding information, or lying. For me, lying always comes from emotional immaturity and fear.

Over time and through great pain in my personal relationships I have come to value the truth. I do not want to be lied to anymore, nor do I wish to decieve another. I prefer to feel that I have integrity. It's a long road to walk, to figure out, first, what is the truth for me, and then to be able to have the courage to speak what is true. It takes muscle, which can sometimes take a while to develope. It's also sometimes really hard to listen to what is true for someone else, especially if they are saying something that I don't want to hear! I wish that this woman could have the faith that both she and her husband can look at the truth and acknowledge that it's a hard one for them, but that he loves her as well as she loves him, and they will both gain some wisdom from the truth being told. I'd ask her to contemplate an outcome that is less cataclysmic, yet maybe no less earthshaking. Her husband will have the chance to face a deeply held belief and decide if he is a person for whom an abstract concept is more important than the actual woman he loves. They will have the chance to live in reality and still love and trust each other. She will exhaust herself eventually by knowing that she's lying. I would expect that her husband will be angry and hurt and may feel betrayed. I would hope that he'd be able to keep in mind that he IS the only person who knows his wife in the way that they know each other, and that her lie was not told in order to betray him, even though it may end up feeling that way to him for a while.