There is a certain category of callow man who will pick up women of low self-esteem and then treat them very cavalierly, and insist that they are actually "more evolved" in their relationships than other men. Distant and aloof? They believe in emotional independence! Sexually unfaithful with every woman that will have them? They believe in freedom to relate to others as fully as possible! Don't ever want kids or a marriage? Why, that's the modern way, only old fashioned fuddy-duddys do that anymore!

The woman of low self-esteem, meanwhile, becomes confused by all this confident modern talk and sits and picks her cuticles and mutters "yeah...I guess you're right..." Her feelings are undermined and invalidated daily by her man, and she's unsure of herself, so....

You see where I'm going with this.

Interestingly, I have noticed that these men, like chronic abusers, have no trouble with paying for things. They often foster a sense of financial dependence in their girlfriends. Perhaps they know on some level money is all they really have to offer.

The two kinds of men to avoid are those who want to marry after three weeks time, or who declare their eternal love on the second date, and those who will never say "I love you" or commit in any way.

Here's a true story--I reconnected with an old colleague, had several months of daily hour long telephone conversations, agreed to meet, spent two weeks together in an exotic location--at the end of which time he flirted outrageously with someone else in front of me. When confronted, denied that we were "in a relationship". Hello? I said. We're not even in a relationship?

Okay, I said as I began packing my suitcases. The fellow then began to whine about he hadn't "known he was risking the friendship" (apparently, he sleeps with all his friends?) and "we could try to have a relationship". On the way to the airport, held it against me, said I was being a Neanderthal, totally unjust, crimping his freedom, etc. etc. I said, sorry, I'm not into the FWBs or fuck buddies thing. He said I should be, it would be very liberating, etc. etc.

I said, but it's not what I'm looking for or need in life. I never spoke to him again.

So, LW, ask yourself this. What do YOU want in a relationship? Are you getting it or do you have any reasonable hope of getting it from this guy? If you're honest with yourself, probably not and you need to move on. Don't let him talk you in circles or make you feel backwards for wanting what you want. You know what you need; he doesn't. Then go and find somebody who will love you and say it often.

Your boyfriend hasn't had a serious relationship because he is a selfish fuck. Don't be fooled by his act, and get out.

listen to those who are talking about "boundaries". I wish this particular bit of psychobabble had been part of the lingo when I was younger. It's a good and useful concept. Know what appropriate boundaries are and expect others not to cross them. Respect yourself and others and make others respect you. Hint: your boyfriend doesn't.

and your "boyfriend" is enabling it, and conditioning you to accept it. Wonderful.

Someone speculated that you are foreign, but it seems to me that instead it might be the boyfriend and his friends who are from another culture, a macho culture where male friends come before mere girlfriends, or a small group whose members feel a strong need to stick together. I've seen this with groups of foreign students at universities. Also you say you are going abroad with him for a long time--to his home country, perhaps?

You, LW, could be anyone who has experienced abuse in her past. I'm going to guess you have. That's why you are being pulled into this, waiting for someone else to defend you--you don't feel safe or comfortable defending yourself.

So once you head off to BF's home turf, be prepared for anything to happen, since he's obviously prepared to allow other men to treat you as a sex object. Don't be surprised if you find yourself traded off to another man or group of men for some cows or a washing machine.

No, I'm not really kidding. These things have happened.

Why not spare yourself the big adventure and just get rid of him and his crappy friends right now. If any of my guesses are correct, do not in any case leave the country with him. With your passivity and his cavalier attitude, you will be in big trouble.

Please just get rid of him. No real man allows his girlfriend to be felt up by his friends. He doesn't care about you, wherever he's from. It's not going to work out.

beats the high from starting anew".

Amen to that, Domini.

I think a little goal setting is in order. And it should include socking something away for retirement, esp. since she's 40.

I like better the strips that wrap up in four weeks or so.

There's no doubt WayLay is brilliant generally--but this extended story isn't so much (it was pretty good the first few weeks). Maybe because it's being dribbled out the way it is?

Come back, Carol, and all will be forgiven. We love you, but we're starting to wish Jill would get killed off.

for the folks over at Fox News to start going on and on about Alaska is "really a kind of foreign country"...you know, like Hawaii...you know, where Obama grew up.

Surely Alaska is as "foreign" as Hawaii, isn't it?

Nahhhhh...it's just the Midwest with more critters to shoot at. That's all. Hawaii has palm trees and shit. Very foreign, and the palm trees must make people Muslim.

Alaska is America's true heartland! Yeeeh-haaah!