to someplace like Suriname, Bangladesh, Niger--you know, a REAL craphole.

Observe. Closely.

Life.Is.Not.Fair.

Life is grossly unfair to humans, animals, and plants. George Bush? A trifler. Look at Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Nero, Hitler. How can Bush compete with the Caesar who left the bodies of several thousand butchered slaves hanging on crosses to die slowly and then rot along the edge of the main highway? You haven't seen squat, man. The world is full of man-made horrors. Then there's Nature herself, the biggest butcher of all.

There isn't one damn thing you can do about any of that.

After you get this thoroughly into your head, pick a place to live and get to work doing something for other people to make life a little more pleasanter for them. It can be here in the U.S., or it can be elsewhere. Work for others.

Over the years, I've learned this is the only source of even fleeting happiness. Everything else is moot.

The world is beautiful and lovely, but nature is also "red in tooth and claw". For some reason, it's all part of the system. I don't personally believe in God because it's such a crappy system.

But it's here and it's all we've got, so we have to make the best of it. The very fact that we can imagine a better world may be our greatest achievement, next to those humans who work for that better world in the face of all opposition and disappointment.

So don't give up, and get to work. Keep yourself too busy to be angry.

That's my advice. And drop the contempt for your fellow Americans; if you really don't want to live with them, go somewhere else. But not much will change when you do. There will still be stupid people and grasping politicians and things to be angry about. Everywhere.

I'll just add that I was VERY bothered by the comment that we've all known of cases where a partner reformed or stopped drinking once they met the right person....

who knows these people who have magically changed? I sure don't. I've known people who hide their addictions and deal breaking flaws, sometimes very cleverly, for a while but none who reformed.

It's a terrible idea to marry a drinker with the idea that he'll stop drinking for the right woman. But this is very typical of the female desi mindset--he'll change for the most loving, tolerant woman, just like in the movies. It's like they haven't heard that alcoholism is a disease.

Desi women are still in the Patient Griselda mentality. One woman who was being beaten by her husband was advised by a Mumbai marriage counselor to work harder at being a good wife for her husband and the beatings would stop; it was the wife's fault because she wasn't yet demonstrating enough "transformational love". Both the victim and the joke of a counselor were college educated, upper crust women who had spent time abroad. This is just the value system in India. In Pakistan--even more so.

As for the veracity of arranged marriage generally, I second the person who pointed out that arranged marriage is popular with difficult, emotionally shut down people who don't want to have to work to attract a partner.

I've personally met many "desperately lonely and unhappy" Pakistani and Indian men who sincerely wanted to spend time with me just to have somebody to talk to--and guess what--they were all married and had been for many years. They had no connection with their wives who were wholly taken up with dishing out biryani and gossiping about the relatives and fussing over the kids. These men had wanted traditional housewives; most of them had broken up with college girlfriends to marry their parents' choice, but once they got them--there was nothing there. It was very sad, and these men had many regrets.

Often, the man and wife of an arranged match die under the same roof--that's all :(

If that's your definition of success in marriage, then go for an arranged marriage by all means.

Some of the more naive comments in this article lead me to believe that the author has absorbed only the objectionable lessons of the Western dating scene and none of the positive messages--namely that yes, you should be sane, self sufficient, and not terribly broken if you want to be a good wife/husband for somebody. And NO, they will not change for you and you in turn should not try to change them. Good grief, that's rule number one!

it sucks to be the only one who doesn't know. So yeah, snitch. Why help the bas**rd out?

But then, like the others have pointed out, don't make this about you and revenge or (God forbid) prolonging the relationship. Tell her in whatever way feels right and then stay out of it.

By the way, what is his capacity for striking back? Are you sure he won't hurt you for ratting him out? Be safe.