I think when it comes to money brutal honesty is a necessity. The BF doesn't get to decide what the truth is for the LW. The next time (and every time after) he suggests a spendy venture she should look him directly in the eye and say (slowly if necessary), "I can't afford it. Are you paying?" It is her reality and she shouldn't feel she needs to apologize for it. Perhaps if he hears her state her truth enough it will dawn on him that she really can't afford these things, and if he wants to do them so badly he needs to be willing to foot the bill.

I lived in a very small town and we moved to bigger, better house in the same small town AND I GRIEVED! I missed that house so much I dreamed about it for years. Had my parents thrown a divorce into the mix, I would have been inconsolable. There are still times when I am comforted by the memories of my room, the yard, the neighbors. The need for stability and continuity in a child's life cannot be overstated. Cary's advice is golden.

It's a whole 'nother country. Born and raised in West Texas, I can assure you that this is the way most Texans feel. Yes, we are friendly and we speak with an accent, like Southerners do, but we don't think of ourselves as Southerners because then we wouldn't be quite so special, would we? And we sure as hell would never claim to be Yankees (any one born north of Amarillo). And then there is Austen. As has been illustrated more than once in these letters, Austenites see themselves as a cut above -- better, smarter, cooler -- than the rest of us. I guess Austen is a country within a country within a country!

Good God!

and the other day an old man asked me if I was expecting. I wasn't sure whether to be insulted or flattered.

is the sheer length of most of these letters. Don't Salon readers have day jobs?

More so than any LW Cary has answered in a long time. Twenty five, two kids, absent husband, tiny apartment, a stinking slob on the couch . . . Jesus, I can't breathe!

I do agree with the poster who advised her to be working on, or at least thinking about, vocational skills. I just have an unshakable sense that this is only going to get worse.

There is so much we don't know and I'd bet it gets a lot more dismal.

I hope Cary follows up with her. She needs to feel connected, I think.

Reading your words always makes me feel like I'm talking with a dear friend late into the night. I don't do that enough. Wish you would stop by more often.

He already has. That's part of the package. That's what it means to be a parent. And he will do it, in some small way, everyday, but that's what you get for bringing someone into the world who is literally a part of you, who is the embodiment of all your love, your hopes, your wildest dreams.

If I had it all to do over again I would try to embrace the difficult times and stay in the moment with them knowing they are inevitable and transient. Instead I practiced avoidance and denial which only made things worse for all concerned. I think I now understand that to truly love your child you have to expect the dark days, the cruel classmates (and sometimes teachers), the maddening injustices, and just be a strong presance in that child's life that assures him or her that life's setbacks are normal and temporary.

there is such a dearth of tolerance among those lecturing the LW to practice same?

Your post certainly does a great job of illustrating the bastion of open-minded enlightenment that Michigan must be. Really makes me want to get to know all the kind-hearted folks there.

then his Episcopalian sprinkling as an infant doesn't count. I believe you have to be old enough to have some understanding of what baptism means before the Baptists will do their baptism thing. And I could be wrong but I do believe that Southern Baptists only recognize full immersion so that your sins are literally being washed away. SBs are very literal folks.

be careful whose stapler you take!

Linus: It doesn't matter what you believe as long as you're sincere.

I think Cary was alluding to this but he didn't say it directly so I will. Lighten up! If you were not raised in this country you probably don't quite get the need Americans have for the workplace to be "one big, happy family." As much as I used to think that was utter B.S., I've been with the same company for over twenty years and, now, in my forties I think I get it. People work together better if they can joke around a bit, if every work related task isn't treated like it's do or die, if one person doesn't always, always have to be right. Stop treating your career like your life depends on always performing brilliantly. That will only lead you to an early grave. Relax! Breathe.

Give 'em all kittens. Everybody loves kittens.

When you're old enough to know who you are and what you like, you know if there's potential or not. Three dates is torture when you already know the potential is not there and it gives the absolute WRONG message: that you are interested in this perfectly nice guy when in reality you are wasting his time as well as your own, and just delaying the inevitable "I'm not feelin' it" talk.

I'm disappointed that Cary made this about his own issues with rejection rather than responding to the LW's concern. Sarcasm does not become you, Cary, and it does not pass as advice in my book.

count myself among the vast millions of the ungotten.