Sorry, but the "Sexual Adventures of White Girls" genre is annoying for reasons that have nothing to do with the jealousy of unpublished writers. Salon has published many good, provocative essays about sex and searching. This isn't one of them.

Of course the comments are rude. But that's life. Some people say rude, unkind things, but you don't have to validate their stupidity by obsessing about it. The jealous aerobics classmate was dead wrong, but the LW could have just said, "That was extremely inappropriate," and walked away. I don't see how this rises to the level of a life-altering affront.

I've seen versions of this complaint many times, where thin people (usually women) express their annoyance with overweight people who say snotty things about their size. I'm not saying it doesn't happen or that it isn't hurtful, but the complaint inevitably turns into a self-righteous screed about an imagined culture in which fat people freely and constantly cast stones at their slim counterparts. That viewpoint is both silly and remarkably self-absorbed. It's a bit like saying, "Dammit, I'm tired of people making rude remarks about how wealthy I am!"

Stop giving the haters so much power, and be grateful that this is your biggest problem.

LW, I don't doubt that you genuinely enjoy helping people, but you need to extricate herself from this situation, and soon. Attachments to people, especially those we work with, can be a great source of comfort. But there isn't much to gain from this kind of intimate involvement with a married person, except an emotional affair, which you are dangerously close to. Putting him at arm's length will be painful for you in the short term, but focusing your energy on moving to the next phase of your life should help. It's OK to feel drawn to him, but it's not OK to nurture what sounds like a very strong and possibly mutual attraction. You're both using each other in a way, but you can end it before things get out of hand. In time, you'll look back and be glad you did. Good luck.

LW, I don't doubt that you genuinely enjoy helping people, but you need to extricate yourself from this situation, and soon. Attachments to people, especially those we work with, can be a great source of comfort. But there isn't much to gain from this kind of intimate involvement with a married person, except an emotional affair, which you are dangerously close to. Putting him at arm's length will be painful for you in the short term, but focusing your energy on moving to the next phase of your life should help. It's OK to feel drawn to him, but it's not OK to nurture what sounds like a very strong and possibly mutual attraction. You're both using each other in a way, but you can end it before things get out of hand. In time, you'll look back and be glad you did. Good luck.

While I agree that we all have to grow up and go to work on time, I do think the letter writer raises a valid point. Unless you're working on an assembly line, does it really matter if you get to work at 8:35 vs. 8:30 — especially if you're otherwise doing a good job? Of course, it's unreasonable to expect your boss to put up with you strolling in 45 minutes late every morning, or whenever the spirit moves you. But when presumably busy professionals are quibbling over (or even noticing) who got in two minutes or four minutes or seven minutes "late," something is very wrong.

I was shocked by how angry I became during Sarah Palin's speech. I always considered myself moderate (though liberal-leaning), but I was so pissed off that I actually had trouble sleeping. When the f*&% did being educated and informed ("elite!") become a bad thing? How did we get to a place where a ticket this lame and cynical has not just a shot at winning but a GOOD shot? What planet are these people living on? I'm fighting back with my time and my money, and I suggest you do the same. Do whatever you can to help the Obama/Biden ticket win. Maybe we won't get the result we want, but at least we'll be able to say we did what we could. And they sure as hell won't be able to blame us when the country continues its long swirl down the toilet.

Beautiful response. I know it's hard for the LW to hear, but everything in Cary's response rings true. As someone who nursed the fantasy of the soulmate ex for a long time, I can relate to some of what the LW is going through. The fixation was painful and pathological, but once I stopped actively nursing it and got some therapy, I eventually figured out that it was not about him. And I got over it and moved on. That didn't happen overnight, and I wasn't always in control of the process. But until the LW is ready to accept that this epic love is something else entirely, he won't be able to get past it.

Anyone who has worked in an office has had some version of this problem, whether it's the loud talker or the gum snapper or the person who doesn't believe in deodorant. Without even knowing it, we've probably BEEN the problem for someone else. Sharing space with other people for 8-plus hours a day requires certain compromises, especially when that space is not really ours. I have some sympathy for the LW, particularly where the smell issue is concerned. But her boss handled it poorly, and it sounds like the make-way-for-the-young-folks attitude set the stage for conflict and hurt feelings. All the LW can do at this point is apologize to her former office mate for the outcome and then focus on the work.