We have only the LW's word that her husband is paying attention to the dog to the exclusion of caring for the kids. There are a LOT of assumptions being made here that the husband is ignoring his children, putting them lower on the priority list, using the dog to get out of caring for the children, etc. So let's look at the letter:

When we first got married, the dog was not too much of a problem -- the long walks in the evening didn't interfere with any responsibilities my husband had, and the dog was housebroken.

It's apparent from the tone of this paragraph that the LW never really cared much for the dog. It's also apparent that the LW didn't take walks WITH her husband (why not? seems like that might have been a nice after-work windown).

Unfortunately, about two years later, the dog became incontinent, probably due to old age (she was 12 at the time), and at the same time we had our first baby. Ever since then, the dog has been an enormous source of tension. I can't bear the smell of the dog's urine, which, even though she is now confined to a small part of the house, and even though my husband tries (though not hard enough I think) to keep her area clean, continues to pervade that part of the house. Because she is so old (15 and a half by now), the walks take a long time and always seem to occur at the most inconvenient times, such as when I need help with our kids in the morning, or right after work when we need to make them dinner.

From this, it is clear that the dog is IN FACT confined to a small part of the the house, probably well away from the rest of the family. If that's the case, maybe the husband is trying to give the dog some of his time because otherwise it's back in the laundry room (or wherever) without human interaction--since clearly the LW prefers not to interact with the dog, and it seems likely that the kids (BTW, apparently they've had at least 2 kids within 3 years) are not allowed near the dog either. I think that the dog deserves at LEAST that much interaction a couple of times a day, since she's apparently not getting much at other times.

It is interesting to me that this situation has been going on for 3 years. Why HASN'T the dog been taken to the vet (or has she? what was the verdict? why haven't things like piddle pads and various cleaners been investigated?)

As an aside, I want to say that dog pee is NOT like cat pee. It's a lot more like human pee in smell and in the ability to clean it up with little or no trace. I've lived with incontinent dogs before, and getting rid of the smell is really not difficult.

I thought, of course, that nature would resolve the problem for us, but with each year I am beginning to wonder just how long I will have to put up with this. What if this dog lives to be 17 or 18? I don't feel it is ethical to put a dog to sleep just because you're tired of having it around, but at the same time, I find myself being mildly annoyed at the dog's needs several times a week. The other problem is, I feel guilty about how I feel. This is, after all, another living being, and it isn't her fault that she creates so much work. I have realized, belatedly, that I am not a good person to have an animal, because I'm basically not comfortable with having another living being in the house who is treated so unequally, yet I am not one of those "dog people" who is willing to sacrifice everything (and most especially olfactory comfort) for their pet.

It doesn't sound like, from her description, that the dog needs all that much, or is being given all that much--a little concentrated attention a couple of times a day, and it seems that her husband is doing most of the cleaning-up-after (although not well enough, by her lights).

Most "dog people" aren't willing to "sacrifice everything" for their pet--but they do want to do everything they can to keep their pet comfortable into old age.

And for those who say that after all, she DOES feel gulty, she's writing Cary about it--folks, Cary is an ADVICE columnist, and this has been going on for 3 YEARS. Why hasn't she consulted a vet, a behaviorist, someone with dog experience?

I have no idea what kind of person the LW is, or what the basic motives are but honestly, It sounds like there are some other things wrong with this marriage. I wouldn't be surprised if, once the dog dies, the real issue rears its head.

I would LOVE to be able to do the same thing to a similar photo of myself and see what I get.

I have mentioned to my boyfriend, while looking at Playboy, that NOBODY has an abdomen/pubic area THAT smooth and crease-free. They HAD to have been retouched.