And at the water park this past weekend, where we took my boyfriend's two kids, I saw a lot of girls and women with quite large stomachs hanging those big stomachs out in teeny bikinis. While I hid my too-soft stomach in a two-piece with a top that covered my stomach--a retro-y, sort of tennis-dress-type bathing suit with a little skirt (primarily because I hate shaving my "bikini line"--it gives me a rash--and I thought I could get away with less shaving if I wore this).

Anyway, I assumed that the "muffin top" girls like the way they look, because how else to explain it? I wear low-cut jeans, I am most emphatically NOT an hourglass (I have very little differential between waist and hips, which is why I like the low-cut jeans in the first place--anything that fits my hips is much too tight in the waist, and anything that fits my waist is much too large in the hips) and I wear about a size 10 normally, so I am not a skinny thing either. And I can find jeans (cute ones) that don't give me "muffin top"--or at least not much of one. Cute shirts, ditto.

Right now I am confused by conflicting messages of another sort--no, not the "impossible body standard ones" but the ones that say 1) we're all too fat, but 2) we should love our bodies and not be influenced by what we see in magazines, but 3) we're STILL all too fat (especially teenagers), nonetheless 4) let's wear tight clothes and teeny bikinis and hang that fat out for all to see. I really don't get it. If we're all ashamed of our bodies and trying to fit in to an impossible standard, why ARE we running around showing off the fat rolls?

Whereas the way I try to work is 1) I'd like to lose a few pounds, or at least firm up but 2) there's not going to be much I can do about the stretch marks and the stomach jiggle, so 3) for my own self-respect and so others don't wonder what I'm thinking, I'll keep that more or less under wraps.

Nothing makes me want to spit and scream faster than the false dichotomy of "murrican heartland" vs. "funky" (or whatever you want to call it) New Orleans. What are you talking about exactly? Red state vs. blue state? Because all the states devastated by recent hurricanes were RED states, not BLUE ones--New Orleans may be a bit of blue in a red state, but New Orleans is not the only city in trouble here. IT's just the most visible.

I am sicksickSICK of people on the coasts referring to those of us in "flyover country" as if we were all frog-marching racist rich white suburbanites. Many of the people I know in richwhiterepublican (NOT--but everyone thinks it is) DuPage county, Illinois, not only sent money to New Orleans, but worked hard to take in people they didn't even know, or went to New Orleans to help clean up, or took in abandoned/lost animals and contributed to their care, etc.etc.etc.

Please. I was interested the discussion and your part in the argument until you said that. Then you revealed YOUR prejudice.

I think that it's not the jeans that cause the "muffin tops"--it's wearing the WRONG SIZE. Hip huggers and low-rise jeans don't HAVE to cause muffin tops, but you have to be willing to ignore size and go for fit--meaning you might wear what you consider a size too large in one type of jean, a size too small in another. And I have to wear belts, because in order to avoid "muffin top" you have to wear them loose enough that they MIGHT fall off (I genuinely did have nearly this accident while running in a pair of hip-huggers). That doesn't mean really loose--just not muffin top tight.

I recently saw an EXTREMELY tiny, skinny girl in hip huggers with quite the impressive "muffin top" going on. You would hardly know she had that much flesh available! So it's not just the chubby girls.

I'm not arguing for teenagers to wear "matronly" clothing to cover up their fat. Personally, I like low-rise jeans (if you have a high, wide waist, they are the BEST--I hate anything that sits on my waist, as a matter of fact). And I'm not even arguing that the girls look skanky (the skankiest woman I personally know dresses like my grandma--IOW, matronly--so I have a different vision of skanky). It just doesn't look good, and someone should point out to them (a mom? a friend?) that it doesn't look good, and help them figure out a way to do something about it.

What is the fuss about, really? The whole point of positive reinforcement is to reinforce behavior you want, and ignore behavior you don't want. If it's effective in training a companion animal--and it is--why would it NOT help strengthen your relationship with your S.O.? Especially since it effectively trains YOU as well.

Look at it this way. If you resolve to ignore the behavior you don't want, and reward that which you do, a LOT of nagging is going to fall by the wayside. You'll learn not to sweat the small stuff, so when you DO get upset about something, your significant other will pay more attention--because they'll know it's important.