As a black woman myself, I have to say that I too, have been blessed with a large behind. I work out three times a week and am on a balanced vegan diet. Let me tell you all that after three years of living this way (and a total weight loss of about 80 pounds) my ass isn't going ANYWHERE. While I don't resent the points regarding health being presented in this piece, I am a bit pissed off about the generalizations Ms. Dickerson proceeds to slap on my people. First of all, we sisters are in fact working out (pricey hairdos and all) regularly and to chime in on breaking the myth about black men being into fat women I will boldy say that fat women of color are invisible in the black and brown communities. Like their white counterparts, black men appreciate thick, healthy and FIT bodies; bodies that look like Buffie (who is in no way fat, not even from the back angle). Yes, we have to address the weight problem in the black community, but internalized racism, bullying, and just plain meanness is not going to help anyone. I mean, really, has it ever? I'm talking to YOU Debra!

It's as simple as that. Her 15 year old son is old and smart enough (and obviously loves his mom enough) to sense that there is a problem here. I don't think it's a matter of him being judgemental, paranoid (although being in possesion of pot is against the law, folks), or resenting the extra responsibilities he's taking on in the house. It's more of the fact that he's losing his mom (Carey nailed that by the way). I am an adult child of an alcoholic; by the time I was 18 I was so fed up with Dad's drinking that I didn't speak to him for a year. I stopped taking his calls and refused to see him because it felt like he was telling me to "fuck off" for years. That what parents do when they choose a substance over their children, and that is what this mom is doing to her son! The delusion of her pot use being different from alcohol is ridiculous. If you smoke pot EVERY DAY you have a problem, just like drinking EVERY DAY is a problem. Teenagers know the difference. Do you guys honestly think this kid wants to run the house? Hell no! He just wants to be a kid, and that's difficult when your mom is too busy getting high to be there for you. To quote Carey again, he wants his mom back. Regarding the pain issue, I'm sure Junior sees through that as well. If she was just toking for pain management it wouldn't be an issue. However, when Mom is smoking so much that he feels that he's taking a back seat to a plant, that can't be ignored. Those of you calling the son a "narc" have forgotten the reality of children being a priority.

My grandmother died in January. She had been sick for a while. I didn't go to the funeral. I didn't call because she had alzeimer's and wouldn't have known who I was anyway. I am the "black sheep" in my family by default, simply because my father was (you know the whole "sins of the father" thing). As a result I was never warmly received by my aunts and uncles. Grandma and I were close; she helped my dad raise me. When I was told of her death I did some serious thinking. Would my grandmother want me to have to deal with the snide remarks, prying questions, and guilt trips about my not being in touch? Would she have wanted me to deal with the fact that although her eight remaining children were expecting me to be there even though less than half of them showed up to my father's (their oldest brother) funeral? The answer was "no" to all of these questions. My point is that the LW obviously feels disrespected by her family and doesn't want to deal with it any more. She's probably as tired and drained of it as I was. When you grow up and get away from your roots, it's not always a good idea to go back, even for a funeral. You have to look out for yourself because no one is going to do it for you and that's what I'm getting from this letter.