I am an actor working a day-job in Los Angeles. When I first began to read the Reluctant Queen's letter, I thought we had much in common. On closer examination, I realized we were quite different.

I pursued a BFA, so while my training was not as impressive, I put it to work right out of school, touring and doing regional theatre. When I got off the road in Seattle, I continued to do plays, got my Actors' Equity card and, after landing a role in "Northern Exposure", joined the Screen Actors' Guild. Several TV jobs and an AFTRA card later, I decided to move to Los Angeles and pursue the big money. I've done alright here; been on more television (recurring on "Judging Amy"), in more films and just became a voice regular on an Adult Swim Cartoon Network show.

All of this is by way of getting to the point that I still work a day-job (computer consulting) and I still long for more.

The fact that the LW is missing a life she never truly lived makes me think that, as with most of us, what she is longing for is something missing inside her, not an external pursuit or mark of achievement. I sympathize with her, truly, but I think she may be mistaking her real problem. If she had needed to act, really needed it, she would have done it all those years ago, regardless of the cost.

I'm 40-something now, and while I will continue to pursue my career, I've come to think of it as only a facet of happiness, not the thing itself. If the LW only does some more soul searching, I think she may find that there is something more, and deeper, beneath her longing for a life on the stage.

It's ridiculous for people to debate here the merits and psychological implications of what Worried finds sexually attractive; that particular can of deep, dark psyche owes zero allegiance to intellect or political correctness. Obviously, whatever his tastes, they worked for his wife at some earlier point.

In matters of love and sex, there is cause and there is effect. It may not fit nicely into our pent-up 21st century sensibilities, but it is so.

Since she could not even be bothered to discuss the issue with him beyond a callous pronouncement, he should simply react honestly by indulging his lack of sexual desire for her. If and when she asks/complains, he is free to say he "only has sex when he wants to, and at the moment he does not want to".

"I'm not a huge fan of Moore's and Lloyd's 'V for Vendetta,'"

Really? Gosh, judging by your review, I couldn't tell. And you think the idea that someone could be executed for reading the Quran is "cartoony"? I'm sorry - have you been to the states lately, Ms. Zacharek? Because I live there, and believe me, the idea isn't nearly cartoony enough.

I hope he really does like shit sandwiches... because he's had to eat a few lately, and something tells me there are more in the kitchen with his name on them!

The amount of vitriol in most of these responses is truly disturbing; not only does it give the lie to the supposed intelligence and humanity of the authors, it points out the old truism that it’s easy to solve problems when they are someone else’s. I can only imagine that, with such obvious mental clarity, their own lives must be perfect.

I am in love with a wonderful woman who has a seven year old son and an almost ex-husband who is self-absorbed, mentally-ill and a lousy father. He missed his son’s birthday not once, but twice (the party was postponed to accommodate guests) and I have been stepping in to serve as dad pro tem for many of the boy’s school projects. When the child goes to be with his dad, he often comes home distraught and spouting hateful, ridiculous fundamentalist cant about how “God wants to beat up” his mother for leaving.

Mom and dad share a house together in this community property state, although dad hasn’t worked for over a decade while mom has had a full-time career. He stands to cash in nicely when the court inevitably forces the sale of the real estate.

It is, in many respects, a similar situation. From what I could tell from the LW’s story, my lady is tied to an even bigger loser than she is. Thing is, it’s not nearly as simple as most of the snarky comments posted here suggest. As a wise old step dad I know says, no matter how much of an asshole the father is, the moment the separation occurs, to the kids, he becomes a cross between Jesus and Bigbird. A child desires the approval of his or her parents, and if a parent is absent, that is the one for which the child becomes neediest. I suggest those who blithely offered pithy comments from their perches of clarity do a little reading about the effects of divorce and separation on children. I, too, thought it was cut-and-dried initially: he’s a jerk; he fills his son’s head with crap, cut him out and leave him out. There are just two problems with that – first, it’s illegal, and second, inexplicable as it may seem to me, his son loves him.

Over time, I’m sure the bright, inquisitive boy I hope will be my stepson will come to know his father for the waste of space he is. That will be sad and necessary. But to rush that process by ripping them away from each other would only cause him to miss his father even more and inspire the asshole to be obstructionist, rather than just fading away as I hope he will.