Letters to the Editor

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Mr Smith

Published Letters: 218     Editor's Choice: 8

  • Porko

    [Read the article: Bacon mania]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    Back in the day when Fox News was trying to get everyone to refer to people in the drug trade as "narco-terrorists", I was trying to live a life without pork and beef. I'd ask the server, "Is there any meat in this?", and he or she would say No, then I'd ask the server to tell me the ingredients, and the response was "blah, blah, blah, bacon, blah, blah". Apparently bacon is not considered meat by many people.

    So I called these people "porko-terrorists" -- people who try to stick pork in everything without you knowing it.

  • Don't capitalize "Himself" with respect to Rove.

    [Read the article: A field guide for McCain campaign infighting]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    It's tacky.

  • Hey, at least McCain

    [Read the article: McCain's unfortunate schedule today]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    knows the capital of Belarus. If he wants to distinguish himself from Bush, he should really concentrate on the knowledge-of-foreign-geography thing.

  • How to get past the gate-side luggage checks.

    [Read the article: Ask the pilot]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    I figured this out when I was late for a connecting flight several years ago when the gate luggage check was still going on.

    The trick is that the gate-side luggage check is not random. Maybe the initial choice is random, but for a minute or so while that unlucky person is being checked no one else can be chosen. So here's what you do: Stand out in the concourse until most of the people are on the plane. When the luggage checker chooses a person, walk toward the gate and through the checkpoint before the checker is finished.

    If there are two checkers, then it might get a little more complicated. But they are essentially low-level bureaucrats that aren't paid enough to pay attention to more than one thing at once, so it shouldn't be too hard.

  • What about inheritance?

    [Read the article: On the ballot this November: Obama, McCain and a definition of when life begins]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    If a rich couple stores away some fertilized eggs, and then they somehow die, the eggs would be the rightful heirs! So how would this work -- do you set up a trust fund and then impregnate some woman off the street to bring forth the trust fund babies?

    If fertilized eggs can be stored indefinitely, then that money could be tied up forever. After a couple hundred years at a good APR, the little test-tube-tykes would be ultra-wealthy!

  • I don't drink beer I can see through,

    [Read the article: The rise and fall of an American beer]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    so I don't know enough about mass-produced beer to make me care one way or another.

    BTW, Guinness is yummy.

  • Would probably backfire on McCain.

    [Read the article: McCain suggests longer gas tax holiday]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    The federal gas tax is only 18.4 cents! Now a gas tax holiday ten years ago when gas was around a dollar a gallon would have meant something (about a 18% discount), but now at $4 a gallon it wouldn't make much of a dent (only about 4.5% discount). The last time I filled up it cost me $80, and believe me I'd still be cursing the pump if it "only" cost me $76.

  • The Simplest Explanation

    [Read the article: Bachelor party]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    I was going to write something about genius and masturbation going hand in hand but I thought better of it.

  • Why are we fooling ourselves?

    [Read the article: McAuliffe's choice for veep not Clinton?]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    It has to be Clinton! Personally, I'm not too sure it's the correct choice, but soooo many Hillary supporters will be alienated if she isn't the veep nominee that it might cripple Obama.

    All this talk about other contenders is just free publicity for them. I had never even heard of this Tim Kaine guy, so the free publicity worked on me.

    I don't see the hardcore bible-thumpers voting for a guy named "Cain", anyway.

  • This might not count...

    [Read the article: What's in a bat-crap-crazy name?]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    ...because I did my best to get the parents-to-be to change their minds, but they were going to name their baby boy Sevin. The name doesn't seem too bad, until you do some research and discover that Sevin is the commercial name for Carbaryl (1-naphthyl methylcarbamate), a common insecticide.

    I am ashamed to admit it, but if I ever have twins I'd be mightily tempted to name them Alpha and Omega.

  • "For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?"

    [Read the article: Touched by a vampire]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    This author is clearly plagiarizing my junior-high girlfriend's algebra notebook.

  • "Reality has a liberal bias"

    [Read the article: 87 percent of Fox News viewers plan to vote McCain]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    The immortal words of Stephen Colbert certainly apply here. CNN and MSNBC are more accurate in reporting than FOX (although still laughingly biased), so therefore their viewers support Obama by a wide margin.

  • Damn!

    [Read the article: Report: Bill Clinton to speak at convention]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    Maybe Bill IS the running mate! That would be awesome! If you read the 22nd ammendment, he's technically got two more years that he can be President -- so if something happens to Obama he'd have the pass the ball to someone else sooner or later. Yay!

  • Another option, less appealing.

    [Read the article: Ask Pablo]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    So, what's the environmental impact of just leaving in the woods to rot naturally? Sounds, yucky, I know, but it would give us a baseline to use to compare the other methods. How about dessication, freezing, or being eaten by scavengers? What about the method scientists use to remove the flesh off of animal remains -- lots and lots of carrion beetles?

    If we have to get morbid, let's go all the way!

  • Don't want to give carrion beetles a bad reputation...

    [Read the article: Ask Pablo]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    The bugs that natural history museums use for removing flesh from bone are called "skin beetles", and they aren't part of the carrion beetles family. My apologies to any carrion beetles who may have been offended by my earlier remarks.

  • If people exercise their right to use cellphones on planes

    [Read the article: Cellphones on planes, take 60]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    then I will exercise my right not to bathe before flying. That'll keep their mouth closed (and nose too).

  • Coverage Also Confusing.

    [Read the article: Phelps, Phelps, Phelps]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    I'm just turning on the Olympics occasionally, and I guess they just assume I know everything about Phelps already. They say he's won 11 gold medals, but before the Olympics they said he could win a total of eight gold medals. Did they add three more events just for Phelps? What's the story?

  • This reminds me

    [Read the article: Did you hear that Alaska has more oil than the Middle East?]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    of my archaeology days. On a certain day during each digging season, we'd invite the public to come out and see what we were doing. They'd walk around, peering into our excavation -- usually from two to ten feet deep. Inevitably, some genius would ask, "Why'd they live down there?" If we were feeling masochistic, we'd ask, "Where?" "Down in those holes!"

    Ug.

  • Poor Research

    [Read the article: The attention-driven Warren, Book II]
    [Read more letters about this article: Here]

    Warren didn't do his homework. If he had, he would have known that in Get Smart, the Cone of Silence NEVER worked.

    Or maybe he did? It's a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a sitcom...

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