Letters to the Editor
DivineMsM
Published Letters: 7 Editor's Choice: 4
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You aren't alone and I know why you need some validation...
[Read the article: Can I ever reconcile with my father?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If your father was from South America instead of the Middle East, I'd ask if you were one of my brothers, your situation with your parent is so similar to mine. The unfaithfulness, the broken promises, the absence at important events - I have to scrape to dredge up a pleasant memory of the man. I don't see myself as particularly sensitive, but there's definitely an emotional lacuna, a father-shaped hole in my heart, after dealing with this growing up.
Part of what makes our situation so difficult is that, for so many people in America, it's just unthinkable. It's like something from an old fairy-tale or a translated novel - it's not part of the American narrative of parenthood. An unloving parent who doesn't talk to you? Ever? Surely that can't be right, surely there must be something wrong with you, the person who asserts that this is so. I, for one, don't often feel like telling the whole story to refute this, so I just live with it and move on.
There's a book called Angry Women, and it features an interview with the author bell hooks. In this interview, Ms. hooks recounts a conversation with her mother in which she said that her father never loved her. Instead of proffering the usual reassuring statements, Ms hooks' mother admitted, "You're right - your father didn't love you, and I never understood why." For Ms. hooks, it was tremendously liberating to hear this acknowledged; that yes, a father can be an asshole who doesn't love his child, for whatever reason. It's something to think about.
You can show your daughter her cultural heritage without her having to deal with an unreliable, unpleasant adult, who may hurt her as much as he hurt you. My own father doesn't deal well with his grandkids, and it's gotten worse since the kids have gotten old enough to have their own opinions.
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Men and makeup? I have stories...
[Read the article: Bronzer gods]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I remember when I was a teenager. I kept my makeup in the "kids' bathroom" of the house. My brothers used my concealer constantly. When I caught them, they were gruff about it. "What's the big deal?"
Later, I remember going clubbing with my male partner. He was tall, androgynous, and would put on "guyliner" before we went to clubs. He wasn't beating other women off with a stick so much as nicely telling them he was involved.
It seems like the real "noli me tangere" range for men's makeup is the lips. Concealer? Enh. Powder? Why not, if you've done the concealer? "Bronzer", aka foundation? Forgivable, for an actor. Guyliner? Bring it on. Nail polish? Possible if he's already wearing a Utilikilt, and if it has a name like "Industrial Sludge". But offer the least touch of any emollient for the lips, and even the makeup-friendly guys I've known will protest as if they've been asked to dress in full drag, or make up as heavily as Marilyn Manson.
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Beauty and power
[Read the article: I can't stand losing my beauty as I age!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Ah, yes. At 36, my own prettiness is fading - and it was a girlish prettiness too, big eyes and pale skin and rosebud lips and a slender waist. My grandmother, herself, is a pretty old lady, as old ladies go. I came across a photograph of her in a room of her house and gasped at how stunning she used to be. I asked her, "What was it like, being so beautiful?" And she said, "I never thought I was beautiful. I just did the best I did with what I had."
Coping mechanisms that have worked for me:
* I hate to sound like a broken record, but going to the gym and maintaining what I have does help.
* I feel old in jeans and a leather jacket now, as I compare myself to what I used to look like in them in my salad days. But new garments allow me to look at myself with a fresh eye.
* Realizing that potential sex partners are just as inexplicably interested in me as they have always been. Heterosexual men often don't see the fine details in a woman's appearance that nag at us in front of our mirrors.
* Helping my friends to be as beautiful as THEY can be. Lending the perfect lipstick to the 25-year-old who's coming to the party with me; encouraging a friend to wear the flattering outfit; seeing someone else light up as I pay her a compliment. This is what knowing about beauty is good for.
Don't think that the last one is purely altruistic. Beauty is fleeting - but having power over beauty? Ask any fashion designer, hair salon owner, or model agency about that.
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Seriously, please stop this cartoon.
[Read the article: Kansas O'Flaherty ... Secret Agent]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've loved comics ever since I was a kid. I love webcomics now that I'm a grown-up. But this dull, pretentious attempt at a hipster comic manages to suck all the joy out of comics.
I'm beyond any schadenfreude at how awful this particular comic is. Please, Salon, make it stop. Live up to your reputation for quality content, and reward someone who has talent and a sense of humor.