Dear Mr. Spud,

I was paraphrasing a large section of Robert Draper's new book, Dead Certain when I described the Bush campaign's characterization of John Kerry. I was not saying it was an accurate assessment of Kerry. I was saying that was how they thought they could depict him, smear him, and win the election. There are no concrete examples of his being rude to his staffers---at least not on the record as far as I know---but it is in Draper's account of why they thought he'd be easy to beat.

Dear Ms. Anonymous who is poor and in poor health,

I am really sorry you are not well, and I agree that that makes life alot harder for you. I was simply making the point that your financial straits are common. I do have a degree and can get a job, but I have never made much money by ANYONE'S standards and the same budget you describe is mine. I don't own a home, and I am in debt. I know exactly the kind of neighborhood you live in because I grew up in that kind of neighborhood. I lived in the worst neighborhood in Chicago throughout my childhood, and I got to know all of the people in the neighborhood really well, and I made alot of friends I will cherish forever. I know that the poorest of the poor are people like me, and I know their problems intimately, having watched them and lived with them for many years. My family were victims of violent crime and fortunately, it has made me compassionate about the lives of quiet desperation that untold millions live. I know we will always disagree but in my opinion, your child will benefit from having a good mom and a good home WAY more than from centrist politicians who do not care about his welfare, beyond his ability to provide a good talking point, a good sound bite, a good statistic. Al Gore and others like him are the best we can hope for, and we all owe it to your child to hold out for the best.

Finally, Karen M., I understand your thinking about people not getting how important this election is, but at Salon and in these forums, people do get that.

Chris Dodd's book is a compilation of his father's letters home from the Nuremburg trials, as he had been one of the officials there. Chris Dodd is no doubt an excellent man, but he comes into this race with a very low profile and little ground work to prepare for this monumental undertaking. If the book had been HIS views on the Nuremburg trials and an analysis of how that pertains to this government, I would be way more positive. I just don't think he has attempted to make enough of an impression on people to make them excited enough about his candidacy to think, "O.K., yeah, he might have what it takes to lead us out of this morass."

I think we can all agree that Al Gore is who we need to run for president.

Wouldn't it be fun to watch the Clinton response to THAT?

I have two brothers I can't STAND to be around. They are dyed in the wool republicans who believe they know everything and who are insufferable and intolerant and just awful. My dad was a total misogynist and the family dynamics in our house were really bad.

So now only my mom remains and she desperately wants us all to be the Waltons. She does her best to manipulate that situation, but it is never going to happen. We are very different people who just do not get along. And you know what? Not everyone has to get along.

So it sounds to me like you have hit on a way of dealing with this already. You keep your distance from the dysfunctional sister and you call your mom and I presume visit her, or have her visit you. And you basically relegate your sister and her family to the place they necessarily have in your life without giving more of your own life over. Boundaries are healthy. Be patient when you call, recognize your sister's attempts to horn in on your conversation with your mom for what they are---an attempt to get her or your attention, and just move on.

Cary suggested that weird EMDR counseling or whatever the hell that was---which I think is this weird thing where a therapist holds a shiny object in front of your eyes and swings it, and attempts to get you to dissociate pain from a painful memory and to replace it with something neutral. I had a therapist do it to/for me and looking back, I feel like the biggest sucker in the world. Once again, this is just my opinion, but don't waste your time or the considerable money.

At least for me personally, antidepressants work WAY better than years of talk therapy ever did. Give those a try if all else fails. I know that's controversial, and I hate the idea of being on drugs forever, but when I compare the way I used to feel to the way I feel now, I prefer the drugs to all of the therapy in the world. I am so so much better able to deal with my brothers now, and to take a deep breath and avoid complete emotional turmoil when I am forced to deal with them. and sometimes you really are just forced to (like when our father died).

The bottom line is that life is short. Do what works. And most of all, take it easy on yourself. Your sister has her problems too, and you just need to find a way to make the way she deals with those problems not be a problem for you.