Yes, I have been there and it was a total fucking hellhole. You move from somewhere sunny where people are relaxed and open to what you think will be the postcard world of academia and legitimacy. Everyone at home can suck it up at UCLA, USC, UF, FSU, etc, but you are the shining example, the one who will make it out and make something of yourself. After all, you busted your ass this much just to get into these places and make those so called connections that get you into publishing gigs.

I too made this leap, a bit more than a decade ago, and it sucks and you have choices to make. Redefine failure. Do not feed into the neurotic angst of kids who all got straight As and will pull allnighters 3 nights of the week to do it again. Ivy league does not guarantee anything. In fact, it's weird the relationship you have with your college after you get out. If you hated it, it is a label and an explanation you will have to give for the rest of your life. And then you find out that no one really gives a fuck where you went, as long as it ain't community college. There is nothing academically, at an undergrad level that you get at Harvard, Yale, etc that you can't get at a second tier or third tier school. Except for the name. If you are the person who wants the "Louis Vuitton" stamp, by all means, keep it up. But if you are a person who believed in the integrity of these places as the end all of education and the Golden Ticket to the big time, then really, really, rethink things. Talk to people who attended smaller colleges where the relationships with the people and professors are what made the difference in what they got into. Because that's what it is all about. Having the luxury of time and less stress to meet people, all kinds of people.

That's something that was sorely lacking in my time at an unnamed Boston area brand name school. People. Time. And once you bust your ass thru college and get out and want to do NY publishing, which I did, these colleges do not prepare you for it. Or for most of the job market to be honest. Which is why Cary has a job answering questions from people who have done all the right things and are unhappy, lost and confused.

NY publishing is corporate. Slow, large. bureaucratic. Be ready for that. It is not about merit, which is what you have spent the last decade of your life working on and believing is what matters. It is not glamorous. You will land a crap job in publicity or sales, because almost no one lands a job in editorial. You will deal with authors no one gives shit about, whose books will be remaindered. You will have to schedule author tours thru Bangor and suburban Chicago. When the Oprah people come calling, you will not be going, that is for the head of the editorial division and maybe head of publicity. The schedule is grueling precisely because you are expendable. I was in at 8am, out at 7pm, long after my boss and her boss. There is the attitude among the senior women, that since you don't have a kid, your schedule doesn't matter. And then you will commute to Queens or NJ, b/c Brooklyn is too expensive. Unless you want to share a one bed with 3 girls in Manhattan, which you don't. You will realize that $27K doesn't cover any bills in NYC, let alone let you enjoy the city.

I don't want to sound like it is all shit, but I wish that at your age, people had told me that there are publishing gigs in every major city (magazine, news, books), and especially cities with universities, which always have a publishing arm. And that college is mych more about the experience than about the education. really. And also, if you need help with depression, get help and take the pills. Theyr eally won't make you dazed or different. You will just slow down the endles spiral of ruminating on all this. Wish I had done that too, rather than think pills were for wusses.

It is always been interesting to me that the majority the competitors in the category of women's gymnastics (and figure skating for that matter) are not women. Female, yes. Women, no. Older than 18, no. Capable of menstrating (based on age and/or weight), hardly. Breasts & hips, none.

Yet another case of women not making the cut, even in their "own" sport. And I always felt like the sport was pretty pervy, from the outfits, to the coaches and the announcers.