I loved Cary's trapeze artist ("Like this! Do it like this!"—all with the greatest of ease, of course). What a lovely image, and it made me think of another circus act: the high wire balancing act.

Someone else wrote about the "elite artiste" vs the "mindless drone," and the peace they'd made with realizing they were simply different, if occasionally overlapping, paths. Like the LW, I'm one that longs to make the leap, like the trapeze artist, and spring from one side to the other. But I have obligations that make this impossible, so instead I'm on the high wire, trying not to look down.

I know people who manage the high wire very well indeed. An actress acquaintance of mine was my coworker at a library database service years ago, and we've stayed in touch, if not close. I've seen her develop her stage acting career into quite a respectable, successful one in the Dallas area. She's received numerous awards, including the locally prestigious Rabin awards, and her success includes choreography, writing, and directing several plays. All the while she has supported her art addiction by performing library cataloging and some web development.

A big difference between us: her obligations are her own. She has many friends, a dog and a cat, and answers only to herself. If you pursue this, LW, make sure you make any existing or potential partners aware that you are focused on your art. At this point I am not Gauguin, able to leave behind my family for my art. You may not be, either, so be careful of your attachments. Make sure the people in your life know who you are at heart and support your endeavor; if they don't, and you don't have an existing obligation, don't form one!

Artists must be somewhat selfish in order to give to others. They are an interesting variation on the "love your neighbor as yourself" message, because they must love themselves enough to allow themselves to love the rest of the world through their art.

By the way, Einstein thought art was the highest calling. So don't let anyone tell you that a career which may not pay the bills, may not be as respectable, may not make a social life easy, is anything less than what you know it to be: your vocation.

You write, Should have been more precise: not every child molester is a sociopath or otherwise so manipulative and untrustworthy that their alleged desire to attend church is to scout for victims. But indeed, child molesters are manipulative and deceitful as a whole.

There is a difference in the origin, and therefore perhaps in treatment. A sociopath is what they are, so far as we can tell, from a very early age. They can spring up in abuse-free environments, showing tendencies of narcissism, deception, and callous indifference to others when very young. And of course, they aren't all lawbreakers by any means. That's the result of environment, among other things. The sociopathic killer or child molester is a sociopath who was taught to direct it in those paths; others direct it in perfectly legal ways.

For most child molesters, however, their deception and manipulation are (a) largely because their own backgrounds include molestation and/or abuse, and (b) because their desires are not socially acceptable. Children who are physically or sexually abused frequently have difficulties with trust and truth as adults. There are many reasons:

• They had to deceive the outside world as children to hide the trauma.
• They learned that people who had power over them could not be trusted, and thus learned to value power over morals insofar as security was concerned.
• They learned to read behavior very well, in order to attempt to avoid, predicts, and escape abuse if possible.

So for an abuse victim, particularly when it happens in the family, control through manipulation and control of information are second nature. This does not mean they cannot be very good people, but it does mean they will keep their cards close to their chest, and will find openness and trust difficult, even after years of friendship.

This can also make therapy difficult, because a large part of the therapeutic process is brutal honesty, both to yourself and the therapist, and trust in the therapist and the process. It can make friendships difficult, too.