Letters to the Editor
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Been there, David
Thank you, thank you, Salon commentarians for pointing out how tiresome Shields' writing is. I found this book relentlessly self-indulgent. It comes from the "I've had my revelation that I and everyone else in this world are mortal and I'm going to shove my newly gained wisdom in your face and demonstrate how brave I am to look at this reality unflinchingly and how deep and wise it makes me" school of authorship.
I know because I've been there. I had my shuddering memento mori two years ago after a near-miss with my wife, faced down my own post-traumatic death obsession, and learned to live with the fact that we are all temporary leaseholders here. Not only has the experience not made me morbid, but the awareness of death has truly made me appreciate every moment of my wonderful life even more richly: my daughter's recent first-ever potty in the potty at the L.A. Zoo, my wife's triumphant first-ever marathon seven months after giving birth, my own hobby wailing the blues in front of drunk bar patrons. It's all rich and silly and marvelous.
The experience also made me more open-minded and spiritual, less dogmatic about what I thought I knew about reality and less judgmental about those who believe in a higher power, even though I rarely share their belief, especially if it's born of an institutionalized religious creed. And since I'm a professional author, I've started a book on my journey. But it's not this kind of leaden, faux-wise existential tract. Death is not the point, kids. Life is the point, and not everyone ages according to your statistics, Shields. I have a famous friend who's 94 and still skis, for God's sake. He's young. You write like you're old at 51.
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@AJ Calhoun
May you never lose your piss nor your vinegar, Chief. You're not old. You're classic.
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@pacificwhim
God love ya! I'll take it. Thanks.
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AJ Calhoun...
Accidentally substituting one word for another does not make you cold, I mean, old! It means your brain is moving quicker than your fingers and you're thinking fast--Thinking! That's the main thing! Loved your post...
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death
Death--well, that's no big news, is it? I believe most humans have been aware of its inevitability through most of human existence. They may not have had the wherewithal to amass Shields's statistical reflections, but they had the idea.
Since this culture has been fortunate enough to have, until recently, decent medical care, and good information on health, many have been able to put the thought of death out of their minds till age forced it on them.
The thing that bothers me most is not that I am failing and will die, but how oblivious the culture is to the existence of its older citizens. Many can still compete, but cannot get hired. They are too old and know too much, and perhaps remind the younger of their own fates too strongly. Yoga is extremely helpful when you age, but what do you see on the covers of yoga magazines? Young beautiful children performing with forbidding flexibility. The "old" people in tv ads are obviously middle-aged people with temporarily whitened hair. In the U. S., the wisdom of the rest of humanity has been reversed: The young are supposed wise and in the know, and the old are supposed foolish and irrelevant. And so on and on.
Of course there are people who fit these stereotypes. So what? A fool is a fool. Age has nothing to do with it.
Incidentally, for a long time, if you have practiced hard, savvy and acquired skill trump sheer youthful vigor in physical as well as mental ways. You can definitely improve your basketball after fifty. Your math and physics and poetry and grammar, too.
The fun of developing abilities can compensate for the other losses. When that is no longer possible, only love and appreciation can sustain you. If you have not yet learned love and appreciation, begin practicing now.
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Oh Puhleeeze!
I thought that this article was about the mixed feelings you have when someone is terminally ill, something I've experienced. Instead Shields has chosen to publish in a book things that are best confined to a psychiatrist's couch. And he is one sick puppy!
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His dad does appear to be having a lot more fun...
Obsolescence, impending death, and all. And the son just sounds like a wet blanket, and a rather nasty one at that - if your father is having fun and enjoying life, why not be happy for him?
My parents are in their late 60's. While they've had their health "issues", they still go waterskiing 3 times a week during the summer, and downhill skiing in the winter. They learned to windsurf a few years ago, and are enjoying that as well. They go to the gym every day. They have a ton of friends and are always going to parties or having parties at their house. They run a small business and enjoy the work. And you know what? I hope they continue enjoying life in every possible way for as long as possible. And rather than competing with them (for what?), I am learning from them. It's a valuable lesson, how to face old age.
Yes, death is coming for us all. But doesn't that mean that we need to enjoy every single moment instead of wasting it in petty jealousy?
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Fathers and Sons
Do men really compare the size of their penises with that of their 97 year old fathers'?
Really?
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Knock on Wood
At 42 I still feel like 24 on most days.
On some mornings though, I feel like (I imagine) 73 for at least a half hour. Depends on if I ate crap food the day before.
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uhh
Do men really compare the size of their penises with that of their 97 year old fathers'?
no
But then again, he is wishing his father would just die. That is just beyond WRONG.
No wonder the libs are considered a fringe element. It would never even cross my mind to contemplate such a thing.
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Relative value of a death
I am dealing with aging and death on a number of levels at the moment. A distant relative, a closer relative and my mother. My dog of 15 years died last summer. It sounds like David Shields focuses on the aging of the human body and if you look at aging as a disease that leads to death, how aging makes its impact known on some and not on others in an almost arbitrary fashion. His father is still active while he at middle age has many aches and pains.
I wish someone would look at the relative value of death in America and how the value of killng someone or someone dying depends on the context. How society makes it easy for me to put my dog out of its misery from incontinence and arthritis and put it to sleep, while we cannot do the same thing for humans. Bush makes a huge deal out of destroying a stem cell while he sends thousands of soldiers to their deaths in Irag and Afghanistan. The same people who are voting for the right to carry a gun are protesting at abortion clinics.
My distant relatives who I never see harbor the expectation that I should come to the funeral of a woman I have never met just because we are linked in a roundabout way. My aunt who is in her 90's is doing the slow fade, she just keeps getting smaller and smaller every time I see her. My mother is doing the brain fade, she has alzheimer's so she is less and less there but could live for another 20 years.
I think the way we, Americans and society put values on death and killing is arbitrary and politically based which can be maddeningly frustrating just like the physical effects of aging on David versus his father.