Letters to the Editor
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Anon
Actually biology is highly and rapidly mutable. That helps us to survive changing circumstances. For example, in times of privation, women stop ovulating. Female gymnasts and ballet dancers on "the diet" (i.e. no fat) do too for the same reason.
I would be willing to bet that the changing gender roles in US society are causing changes in biology this very minute. I think that women are becoming more "masculine" in response to the demands made on them to be providers and to hold their own in male-dominated places like work. I think that men are becoming more "feminine" due to their greater association with women in the workplace and their greater involvement in childcare. (Yes Arnold, girlie men!)
I can't prove any of this, but I think it's a resonable hypothesis.
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Re: This article is shit
I'm sorry about your horrible experience. I hope you've been able to heal from that with the love of your many sisters who have had the same experience.
I fortunately have never been raped at knife point or anything horrifically violent like that and my heart goes out to women who have, but I have definitely had the experience of saying "no" to men who did not take my words seriously.
Most recently I had to kick a man out of my apartment, phone in hand, ready to call the police or run to my neighbor's apartment because he was insiting that I was "shy" when I strongly expressed that I didn't want to have sex with him or fool around with him. I blamed myself for being stupid enough to invite him in for tea and a chat.
When Laura Miller makes statments like "we all know that no doesn't always mean no", she is doing an incredible disservice to women everywhere whether they consider themselves feminists, feminine, masochists or something else.
In the first paragraph of her review, no less!
I can't believe the big deal everyone is making about Susan's affront or lack of it. Laura Miller offended me far more than that stupid frat boy did Susan.
My pussy is not dirty and I've never thought it was. Maybe Laura Miller and Kipnis need to adjust their diets and stop eating acid forming foods and eat more fresh fruits and vegetables - then they'd be less obssessed about cleaning products.
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Susan manages to wrest control of the debate, focuses it on her, and then protests when she's judged.
Lets see:
1) She goes to a party, she's single, she meets another single male, she gives him her card and then she's offended that he assumes she's hitting on him. Gee like this hasn't happened to every single female or male on the face of the earth. It's called a "misunderstanding."
2) She places a premium on the company at this party because she perceives them as intelligencia, she insists she's worthy of their respect because of her supposed credentials, yet she has trouble composing a grammatically correct sentence. A number of people called her out on her first post, but I noted that her follow up response included a run on sentence. But don't judge her on that basis! THAT would be unfair. To her. Like every adverse consequence she faces.
Rant over...
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If a woman had done the same thing to a man, oh the howls we would hear!
The guy was probably embarassed and didn't want to seem unmacho by not fucking any girl who offered herself. So he made a macho display of rejecting her. Hell, maybe he's gay. But it wasn't that weird.
It strains credulity that men will defend the behavior of other men on this basis, no matter how moronic and rude it is!
Even if he was disappointed and hurt that she (or women in general) didn't want him, it doesn't make mean-girls cattiness an appropriate adult response.
It doesn't require an ideology to expect civil behavior from the opposite sex, even in a sexual or dating situation. Or it shouldn't. We're in a sad pass in this society if *feminism* has to tell you that!
And it doesn't make Susan a weakling or a feminazi to have hurt feelings over it. She approached him in good faith as a respected professional collegue, and he treated her with enormous disrespect.
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Even if he was disappointed and hurt that she (or women in general) didn't want him, it doesn't make mean-girls cattiness an appropriate adult response.
Maybe it isn't but the entire existence of women's relations to men, other than they few they are at the moment in love with, and certainly of the entire feminsit movement's complaining about the fact that men want sex with women, and/or aren't/don't act exactly like women, consists of precisely this.
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Hey Bitches...
Shut up about Susan already. There are so many more important things to go on about. All of you that keep writing obessively to slam her are just bored, insecure, hostile people who build themselves up by making others feel like shit. Please shove off and leave the rest of us to share an open dialogue of our thoughts and experiences without the fear of being attacked for no good reason!
Yeah.
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genetic change is much slower than biological change generally
and in the case of genetic influence there is always the issue of whether a change requires genetic "innovation" or just the activation of a capcity that exists but is unused and can be activated by turning up/down on/off a genetic "switch". It certainly seems clear that men are becoming more feminine and women more masculine. This doesn't mean however that feminine men will adapt to their new role in the same way that feminine women do/have.
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assertiveness versus passive-aggressive cattiness
Maybe it isn't but the entire existence of women's relations to men, other than they few they are at the moment in love with, and certainly of the entire feminsit movement's complaining about the fact that men want sex with women, and/or aren't/don't act exactly like women, consists of precisely this.
This may seem counterintuitive, anon, but if you've been hurt by such behavior, perhaps this is why you should become a feminist.
Let me explain:
Women have behaved in this passive-aggressive catty fashion for generations on end. This is because we have historically not been encouraged to sort out our differences in an assertive and appropriate fashion. Not with each other. Not with men. Not with our kids. I refer you to cultural icons as varied as Gone with the Wind (the book) and Mean Girls (the movie).
Passive-agressive cattiness is the way people behave when they don't respect themselves. Perhaps this is why, as men start to feel dis-empowered, they have started to adopt it. Which is unfortunate.
It's a lot easier to be pissy than it is to be adult when our feelings are trampled on. This is true for everyone, men and women alike. But it's not good for anybody.
It has taken something like oh 160 or so years since Seneca Falls for women to change how we behave, to really get it in our bones that as we gain autonomy, we don't have to behave in this childish way. We're still working on it. It's the task of generations. We're not doing it wrong, it's just this hard.
I hope if you have a young girl in your life (daughter, niece, godchild) you'll encourage her to speak up for herself, and to treat others as she'd want to be treated. *And* not to put up with people who treat her with disrespect. *Certainly* not to blame herself if some people don't know how to behave in a professional situation! But not to return cruelty with cruelty and cattiness with cattiness.