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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Writers like Flanagan baffle me. I am a secretary and my husband drives a big rig for a living. We are lucky enough to have family help us with our 3 year old twins.
Not working was a luxury feminist liberal policy created when FMLA and the similar California Leave Act protected my job while I recovered from child birth. It is feminism that pushes me to never be afraid to persue my dreams (i'm currently a senior at a local university getting my B.S.) AND be a great mom.
My grandmother grew up in a time where her husband wouldn't ALLOW her to work. She stayed at home and took care of their children. When she finally left my grandfather, her family turned against her for daring to leave a man who told her a woman's place was in the home.
I HAVE to work. There is NO CHOICE. There is NO CHOICE for all the women I work with as well. CHOICE to stay at home would be like winning the lottery. I wish I had that problem.
But, back to reality. It is still a man's world. Feminism has never been the enemy. Sterotypes and the control of women are the enemy. From the glass ceiling, to birth control, to the insane expectations of the middle and upper classes on mothers.
All us working class Mothers you see out here, the majority HAVE TO WORK. We pray the childcare workers are not mean to our children, that the health insurance premiums don't go up this year, and that the car doesn't break down before pay day.
Flanagan is just an opportunist with a good hustle.
Where did this notion that women owe men sex come from?
Men owe *women* sex. Why did we marry them, when we could have probably had a lot more time and personal freedom had we stayed single, if it wasn't for the fact that now we have a regular sex partner who can take the time to learn what we like in bed?
No, seriously, neither men nor women "owe" each other sex, but speaking as a feminist who has both been the primary breadwinner for the family, and is now a "stay-at-home mom" with a paying job I do in my home... I like sex with my husband. I like lots of it. It's not a duty I perform for him, it's something I do with him because *I* want to, and if I didn't want to, then why the hell did I marry him?
Sex is not something we are obligated to "give" men. Sex is something men and women should want to do with each other, for themselves as well as for each other. The idea of a sex life predicated on what you "give" your partner rather than what your partner gives you seems infinitely sad to me. If it's all about give, give, give and never get, then why are you married? You could live alone, have an active social life with many friends, and masturbate when you wanted sex, and you'd probably be happier *and* more sexually fulfilled than if your sex life is all about giving and never getting.
I can't take seriously anyone who talks about feminists not "giving" men sex. No, feminists don't give men sex. They get sex from men. Men seem to like it just fine that way, at least in my experience. I mean, porn is all about the male fantasy that women want sex and are as assertive about getting it from men as men are and do from women. Obviously, *men* don't have a problem with women getting sex from them because they like sex, as opposed to giving it to them as a wifely duty. So what's Flanagan's problem? She doesn't like sex? She just does it to be nice to her husband? I'm sure *that* makes her happy. I'm sure it thrills him, too.
To deconstruct Flanagan's flabby reasoning and hold her feet to the fire is the job of a critic. To recoil from Flanagan's conclusions is the mark of a humane and intelligent reader.
Having cancer is not a pass. Flanagan is as accountable for her writing when sick as when well.
I hope she gets better; I feel compassion for her illness and for her child self with its losses.
I hope she learns how to think.
Kudos to Walsh.
What is so amazing is that the breathtaking hypocrisy of many ardent feminists never seems to get commented-upon.
Women can do anything just as well as a man, except for things that only women can do better. Right?
There are no significant differences between men and women, except for the fact that women are morally superior. Hmm?
A feminist must attack the stereotypes that portray women negatively and promote the ones that portray men negatively. Correct?
Ahh, but if somebody /criticizes/ feminism, suddenly they're horrible horrible hypocrites. You must remove the splinter in their eye as you nuture the forest of logs growing in your own.
How conveniently idiotic.
I enjoyed Joan's review.
I admit I haven't read Caitlin's book or any of her writings. That kind of bickering about 'stay at home' vs. 'not stay at home' stuff is just foolishness to me. But I did read the NYTimes piece on housework this week & having read Joan's review of the book I can righteously claim that I've diagnosed Caitlin's problem! Obviously, she felt abandoned by her mother as a child & is blaming it on her mother going to work, thus she is hashing it all out in public via her writings. Apparently the paid for therapy hasn't worked and she's brilliantly figured out a way to work through her issues & get paid for it too.
As for working at the kitchen table, I do that too, before I go to my office job and again at night after I return. Can I claim both "at home" & "away from home" status?
Don't worry Joan, most working women are way too busy to read this trash and I assure you, we don't know who the hell Caitlin Flanagan is anyway. (How many people on the West Coast read the New Yorker anyway?) We're too busy working and taking care of our families and homes, and paying bills, and working in our yards, and driving little Johnny to baseball practice, etc. Woops, gota run, Dr Phil is on!
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
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Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
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Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
