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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
look to the home schooled. I am not for, or against the concept of the working mother or the stay-at-home mother. In my experiences, I do not see a great difference between the children of either. You might ask, "where do you see that many children long enough to determine a difference?" Good question.
First of all, we home schooled our two boys, now 19 and 20. Secondly, we attend a large (2,000+ member) church. Contrary to popular belief, home schooling is not an isolationist environment. Most home schoolers engage in group arrangements for activities such as band, dance, or classes that are difficult to teach without the appropriate degree such as math or biology. Our conclusion, is that most children that spend more time under the influence of their peers, than under the influence of their parents (assuming their parents aren't just weird), will be shaped significantly and negatively by the pack mentality. It is called fools leading fools. Think "Lord Of The Flies". We have determined that this factor has a far greater impact on personality development than whether the child has a working mom or stay-at-home mom.
The greatest evidence of this was when our youngest son had his sixteenth birthday party. He invited about 20 of his home schooled friends (yes, you will find that home schoolers typically have a large network of good friends), and six or so of his public/private schooled church friends to his party. The home schooled kids are surprisingly more individualistic, and far less inhibited. Because they communicate extensively with adults from their beginnings, they feel very comfortable around adults. I would bet that you would find it unusual for a 15 year old to look you in the eye while carrying on a real, communicative conversation.
We had a sound system, and "open mic night" at the party. The home schooled kids had a great time (even though they did not all know each other), singing and acting crazy, whereas the church kids moved around in a small knot, whispering to each other and generally seeming to not know how to deal with a social situation that was not defined by race (there were black, Asian, and mixed race kids) or social standing, as home schooled kids do not have the nearly as much opportunity to form pecking orders and exclusive cliques. All the home schooled kids from the geeky to the cool were far less self conscious, and generally had more fun.
Our youngest son joined the Audubon society when he was nine years old. He did not know that it is considered a highly nerdy thing to do, because he was not subjected to exceptionally caustic environment that a pack of nine year old boys will most often produce. He is now a biology major on a full music scholarship. He is a highly sought after sax player. When is on stage, he is Mr. cool. When he is off stage he is Mr. Biology. Our oldest is also on a full music scholarship. He plays trumpet and guitar. We know them both. Exceptionally well.
If you really want to do right by your kids, protect them from the naturally destructive environment of "fool leadership" or, as it is often more innocuously referred to, peer pressure.
Best,
Poco
I never heard of this woman. Now I have. If this article had not been written, I would still not know who she was.
If you don't like her... why are you writing about her and making her more famous?
I read Flanagan's articles, and while there's an element of truth in all of them, I found her tone and eventual points irritating. A scold, I concluded, strident in sounding self-satisfied, but perhaps not entirely confident underneath it. Apparently I wasn't too far off.
Incidentally, I had a very non-feminist, non-PC reaction when I saw the advert for her new book in the Atlantic Monthly -- more specifically, when I saw the picture. That thought was "that's a smug face. God, look at her hair, no wonder I didn't like her." Nice to know I can focus on what really matters... (BTW, in the event anyone reads this far and is upset, that was self-deprecating humour.)
I see by the article hat this Happy Homemaker has been happily making homes with two different men over the past 16 years. I would be interesting to read the first hubby's take on their marriage and its demise.
And for the person who said home schooling maks all the difference...well, it did for Andrea Yates.
I read the EllE interview and was as miffed and lost as the author! The woman
has always worked just like her mother before her and my mother before me.
My sister is a working mother and battles the same guilts and stresses
that the Flanagan writes about. In my mind she is a hypocrite who never praticed any
of what she preaches. My sister and mother cook and clean more than she ever did!
Flanagan can keep convincing herself but she has not convinced me.
I read a lot of stuff, some of it by women advancing similar ideas, such as Christina Hoff Somers, Danielle Crittenden, etc., and I'd never heard of Caitlin Flanagan. So I sort of don't care how much hypocrisy she demonstrates.
But if I might say this: "tough" isn't the word I'd use, Ms. Walsh, for describing someone who is willing to "kick someone with cancer." Unless it's the first word in the phrases that end, "to accept is a decent human being" or "to believe wouldn't also kick puppies" or "to believe once wrote a really good book about the problems associated with women's gymnastics and skating."
My feelings about Flanagan can best be summed up by her own title.
Ms. Flanagan's typically self-referential work is neither original nor insightful because she lacks sufficient honesty or self-awarness to acknowledge the sheer extent of her own privilege -- a woman who is a "stay at home" mother without responsibility for household drudgery and who manages a challenging career with no commute. Her stock in trade is harsh judgments against others who, unlike her, haven't landed in life's sweet spot. After a while, it comes across as just so much pathetic bragging. I don't read it anymore.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
