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Read other letters about this article
sophiebrown wrote:
"We can't resolve the work v. stay at home issue by deciding which makes women happier, because neither are very appealing or pleasing alternatives in our society."
Not only that, but what makes one woman happy makes another totally miserable. I don't believe for a minute that I have the right to tell you that what makes me happy should make you happy, because it might not--and ultimately, it is YOU that has to determine what makes you happy, not me.
This whole "women's proper role" thing makes me queasy. If you want to stay at home with kids, fine--so long as that's what you want. If you want to work, fine--again, so long as it's what you want. But please don't tell me I'm a bad person if I work instead of stay at home, or vice versa. When will everybody get the obvious fact--that "women's proper role" is what we, ourselves, each of us as an individual, decides it should be? I thought that was, and is, the whole point of feminism; that we should each make our own choices according to our own ideals. It used to be, men defined "women's proper role," and there are many out there who still want to do that; we don't need women trying to define our "proper role" for other women as well. It's ours to define for ourselves, and that's what frightens many men.
Then again, why would anyone let a Caitlin Flanagan make her feel guilty for working outside the home? Why do you care if this ninny thinks you're a bad mother? Is she dropping by your house later to rant at you? Is she likely to hire you to work at home, so you can have the life she does? In the course of your real life, her opinion doesn't matter--it's just what she does to make money. Writers of her ilk prey on our own insecurities about the choices we've made. As a result of our own fears, writers like Flanagan make money off those very insecurities. I'd rather not enable her woman-bashing by buying her book.
Working outside the home *and* staying home to raise kids, and every possible combination in between, are all hard. These choices are also things nearly everyone has to deal with in life, unless you are fortunate enough to be born independently wealthy. Our choices are worthy of respect--and we should stop snarking at each other and start supporting each other, before we no longer have choices to make. Already, economic reality dictates that most women will have to work outside the home, whether we choose to or not. But beating each other up helps nobody.
