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Without disregarding the notion that Flanagan's malaise dates from feeling abandoned by her mother... and perhaps that her own existence was not enough to satisfy her mother's creative urges... (thanks to Joan Walsh for this piece, and to most of the letter writers)
...it occurs to me today (as opposed to the many other days when this same media-made war is being played out in the public sphere) that there is some idea afloat that a woman cannot be both feminine and a feminist. Why the hell not? Just because the man/woman thing appears to some to be a dichotomy (maybe it's all a continuum?), doesn't mean we have to apply a false dichotomy to what it means to be a woman in a world that would have it be a lose/lose proposition.
The rest of the arguing is just about the details.