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• Wednesday, April 12, 2006 07:13 AM

  If You Really Want To See A Difference

  look to the home schooled. I am not for, or against the concept of the working mother or the stay-at-home mother. In my experiences, I do not see a great difference between the children of either. You might ask, "where do you see that many children long enough to determine a difference?" Good question.

  First of all, we home schooled our two boys, now 19 and 20. Secondly, we attend a large (2,000+ member) church. Contrary to popular belief, home schooling is not an isolationist environment. Most home schoolers engage in group arrangements for activities such as band, dance, or classes that are difficult to teach without the appropriate degree such as math or biology. Our conclusion, is that most children that spend more time under the influence of their peers, than under the influence of their parents (assuming their parents aren't just weird), will be shaped significantly and negatively by the pack mentality. It is called fools leading fools. Think "Lord Of The Flies". We have determined that this factor has a far greater impact on personality development than whether the child has a working mom or stay-at-home mom.

  The greatest evidence of this was when our youngest son had his sixteenth birthday party. He invited about 20 of his home schooled friends (yes, you will find that home schoolers typically have a large network of good friends), and six or so of his public/private schooled church friends to his party. The home schooled kids are surprisingly more individualistic, and far less inhibited. Because they communicate extensively with adults from their beginnings, they feel very comfortable around adults. I would bet that you would find it unusual for a 15 year old to look you in the eye while carrying on a real, communicative conversation.

  We had a sound system, and "open mic night" at the party. The home schooled kids had a great time (even though they did not all know each other), singing and acting crazy, whereas the church kids moved around in a small knot, whispering to each other and generally seeming to not know how to deal with a social situation that was not defined by race (there were black, Asian, and mixed race kids) or social standing, as home schooled kids do not have the nearly as much opportunity to form pecking orders and exclusive cliques. All the home schooled kids from the geeky to the cool were far less self conscious, and generally had more fun.

  Our youngest son joined the Audubon society when he was nine years old. He did not know that it is considered a highly nerdy thing to do, because he was not subjected to exceptionally caustic environment that a pack of nine year old boys will most often produce. He is now a biology major on a full music scholarship. He is a highly sought after sax player. When is on stage, he is Mr. cool. When he is off stage he is Mr. Biology. Our oldest is also on a full music scholarship. He plays trumpet and guitar. We know them both. Exceptionally well.

  If you really want to do right by your kids, protect them from the naturally destructive environment of "fool leadership" or, as it is often more innocuously referred to, peer pressure.

  Best,

  Poco

  —Poco Read Poco's other letters
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