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Flanagan is like a bad car wreck: you don't want to think about what she says, but at the same time you can't look away.
Flanagan is right in one respect, that is, when a mother works, something IS lost, and let's be honest, I can see it in my child's eyes precisely in the moment when I drop her off at day care.
But what she doesn't talk about is what is also gained: independence for the mother and the child, a greater variety of learning and social experience for the child, satisfaction in working and accomplishing something in your own right, maintaining your individuality instead of being absorbed by husband and family. I am fascinated to see the respect my stepsons express for their two moms who are college professors, to see women shouldering responsibilities, dealing with job crises, and effectively managing their employees alongside men. Maybe it's a flaw of our society, but this is a kind of respect my peers and I didn't show (or probably feel for) our stay-at-home moms.
You can work at home, but you can't effectively work and pay attention to your child at the same time (believe me, I try!). This is where Flanagan's reasoning breaks down: if you'd ask her where her attention is focused, then she couldn't get around the question. You CAN have it all, just not all at the same instant! I think women who can utilize the more "male" skill of compartmentalizing their activities are probably a lot happier. The feeling of constant distraction is what is so unsettling and what the kids respond poorly to.
