Letters to the Editor
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Faking it?
It's not about faking it Amy, its about not doings; the not-doings of a shaman that were brought into play to protect you from the force of thae shamans' world, whose doors were cinched open in those days. It is very powerful stuff. No joke. It was just a matter of him allowing the world and its habitudes to perceive things according to its own expectations. The nagual was going through hells, that's for sure. But that doesn't mean he was in pain or ill with cancer. He was also seeing heavens. He learnt how to appear old, ill and weak through someone quite peculiar, who was in close proximity to him back then, as well as to your little self. Have you spent even just one week working fully with the possibility that his work was non-fiction? - I don't mean just following the leaders as you did when in what you thought was 'the group'. I mean for real.
You were firm amid circumstances that the sheer thought of makes me shiver in my boots. That's why Carlos admired you, but he was revolted by your imperviousness to what lay behind the veil of things. Its good your eyes and ears were veiled, but those veils will fall. Mark my words.
It was not an option for the nagual to just vanish without a story for the world to satisfy it's reason and lack of credulity in regard to the shamans' way. You are a very fine writer, Amy. I mean it. Better than your father perhaps, but not of the same ilke as he. He was a dreamer, and Carlos needed someone who dealt well with facts to draw the cloak over him and his world for the protection of those to come with the capability and propensity to take up his challenges without doubt, and with all their hearts. And it worked. He is no longer a worldly issue. You are owed thanks.
You had some great experiences, but it won't be for a while until the butterflies start to break from their cocoons and the full visions of what occurred to you unfurl their wings. If I were you I wouldn't want to know yet either.
We have talked before at SR, just after your book on all this stuff was published. Sorry that being anonymous irks you, as it seems to do. I'm really trying to have to dispense with my need to do be anonymous with you, but it takes a certain sort of help from you, a certain letting go of things.
With all affection... anon