As a gay man who awakened to my homosexuality while in a committed relationship with a woman, I can relate. As Cary said very well, there is no easy answer here. I was lucky. We weren't married and we didn't have children. Regardless, it was difficult. I spent many tear-filled evenings writing in my journals, or taking long night-time drives alone with the thoughts in my head as I tried to figure out what it all meant. Could I stay with her and still be true to myself? Am I gay, or bisexual? Could Igive this woman what she really needed in a partner? Could she give me what I needed?

Cary mentioned many options for support. I suggest you take that advice. I'll say a few other things as well though. You're obviously able to express yourself in language. Keep a journal, or a blog. Write all the time. You may find that as you write things down, your understanding of them becomes clearer. You may find yourself writing things that you didn't yet realize you feel. You might find yourself reaching a clarity of purpose and intent. In your journal answer questions. What is important to you? Are you monogamous at heart, or polyamorous? Do you Love your husband? Is it important to give your children one home? How do you think your husband will react if you confess your feelings to him? How would you feel if he confessed thoughts of other men? other women?

A note here, Answer these questions in truth. Do not write down anything that is not absolutely real to you. Do not write the things that your culture tells you you should feel or think. Do not write the things that you want to be true. Write what you really feel. Write until you realize who you are and what your values are.

To me, there is something else you must do. You must talk to your husband about this. You are in a relationship, and nothing but your honesty and compassion can make that relationship work. You have a level head on your shoulders. Don't confront him with it, don't slap him with it. Say "Husband of mine, I'm confused and I need to talk to you about something." Share with him. Listen to his reactions and feelings. Reassure him that you are not going to get up and leave (unless of course you are). Let him know what you're feeling. Ask him what he thinks you should do. Ask him how he feels about this. Let him get angry if he needs to get angry, but don't let him abuse you emotionally.

I grew up in a fair-sized single-family dwelling. Three bedrooms, one bathroom, living and dining rooms, and kitchen. Good sized back yard with a 100+ year old Indian Maple and a 30+ year old mulberry tree. There were four boys, two older, and two younger (I'm the older of the younger kids, we're now 38,37,27,24).

Don't move. Despite being able to keep them in the same schools, moving is hard on kids. I have great memories of my childhood home, and I can't imagine the differences it would have made in my life if I hadn't had that stability. Expand your home. Sacrafice a little bit of yard for a good study. Consider adding a floor to the home. If you have the money to buy a new home, modifying this one is likely doable as well.

Build a treehouse, make it beautiful. Tell your kids it's their private space. Let them have it to paint and play in. Tell your kids the study is your and your husbands private space. Let them know not to bother you in there. Agree that you won't intrude into their house if they don't intrude into your study.

Teach them the value of privacy, and of shared space. When you're together, do things together. When they go off to play, take time to enjoy your space. Go outside and spend an hour beneath the tree, listening to your children play, or reading. Hang a Hammock!

Carports are good, but ask yourself why you need a place for your car. What is it about the idea of a garage or carport that makes you feel bad not having it. Is it just being out of the weather? Is it not having to wash your car? Are you looking for a dark, separate space (Basement/Garage) in which to put the things that you don't like about your life? The clutter? The aggravation? -- Before you go looking for places to put skeletons, know what skeletons you plan on putting there, and decide if it's good to do it.