Letters to the Editor
doglady
Published Letters: 63 Editor's Choice: 14
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My experience marrying an alien
[Read the article: Should I marry an alien for money so he can gain citizenship?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW:
Don't. It's not worth the risk. If you really have a sound business plan, you shouldn't have any problems getting a business loan.
That being said, I want to chime in on marrying an alien; I'm married to a Canadian in 2003, and, like lilisolde's, our visa application process was surprisingly easy; we too were hardly asked any questions. We arrived concerned, we even quizzed each other on the way there about things we thought they might ask that we wouldn't know; we even reviewed our first meeting and dates to make sure our recollections of detail were the same. When we got there and went into the interview room, the woman asked two questions: how long we'd known each other and where we got married. She asked these in a friendly, conversational tone while she was at the computer. Then she processed our paperwork in utter silence, while we sat steeling ourself for more questions. When she handed my husband his temporary visa with a smile, we were almost shocked. We even asked if she wanted to ask more questions.
She smiled again and said "No, I can tell who isn't here for the right reasons".
Ironically enough, we were given the third degree crossing the Canadian/American border in Maine last year coming home from Christmas. Go figure.
Just my experience.
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Some practical ideas...
[Read the article: I am depressed, but that's not really the problem, is it?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]RD (and I use your handle loosely because you deserve a much nastier term here): Prescription medication for depression is not a habit.
LW: Whether its easy or not to get your hands on antidepressants is something only you can determine. In my state, public health systems are determined by county which is managed by a county commissioner. I might try calling the county first.
Second, please try exercising. I know it sounds horribly trite, but as someone who has suffered from serious, crippling depression at different points in my life, who has been on the medical gamut from Paxil to Zoloft to Buspar and back around again, I can say without hesitation that regular, hearty exercise did more for me than any type of medication. (Not to discount medication; I know it works for some, this is just what worked best for me.) I used to have episodes that more than once made me plan my own death and put me in the hospital. I haven't in the few years I've been exercising regularly (and eating well for that matter).
I think, like you do, that your grief is separate from your depression. But your depression will exacerbate your grief and keep you from recovering from it. Please seek whatever treatment you can.
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Touche...
[Read the article: I've had it!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In one of his comedy concerts, George Carlin says:
"Have you ever noticed on the highway that everyone driving faster than you is an asshole, and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?"
If you keep looking for highway digressions and rude cashiers, you'll find them. But I bet if you look for kindness and courtesy, you might find those too.
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Kids, dogs, and containment
[Read the article: Can I kill a cat if it poops in my yard?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If sprinkler systems are too expensive, have you considered running a low voltage, live line along your fence? Any local handyman can put one in for you and if you have a privacy fence there's no chance your kids can touch it. If its a chain link, well, then...make sure its nice and low voltage and it will keep them in the yard too.
On the subject of getting a dog for the purpose of chasing this cat away: please don't unless you otherwise really, really want a dog. I know, the farm and all, but here's the deal: dogs are pack animals, and we've made ourselves their pack by domesticating them. If you get a dog as a nightime "catter" only to leave it in the backyard and set up one of those fancy dogloos for it, chances are you'll buy yourself a whole world of problems other than the cat to contend with. If you DO want a dog, get a dog that will have a natural interest in chasing cats, such as a herding breed like a border collie or sheperd. Not all dogs will chase cats.
Keep in mind too, that even if the dog option DOES work, it might work only becuase the dog barks. And barks, and barks and barks. Would that really make life for the kids any better?
That electric fence option is looking like a good one.
Oh, and, really: shame on you for deciding you can sleep at night after potentially killing someone's pet.
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Life then, life now
[Read the article: I don't want my husband at my high school reunion]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW: I wouldn't stress too much at this event. You will only be as nervous about your husband and your classmates as you convince yourself you will be.
My guess is that all your thoughts about what is going to happen around you, to you, within you, and in relation to your classmates probably won't. Additionally, everyone else who has pinned a decade of post-high school hopes, fears, dreams and ideas will be feeling the same way; that is, there will be too much self-interest going on for anyone to be particuarly concerned about anyone else. And at the end of it all, you and everyone else who has built this all up will walk away thinking: that was IT??
Buy a new dress that you look really, really killer in, and take that great husband of yours, and walk in proud with the man you took those vows with. At 28, life is about living life now- not resolving the neruoses of your teens. Don't let your 17 year old negative fantasy spoil this wonderful pride and joy of your adult life.