Letters to the Editor
chiefdeputy
Published Letters: 121 Editor's Choice: 6
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Tell him to leave and call the police
[Read the article: I let a homeless man move in with me and now I can't get rid of him]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't know where you live, but most states in the US have a basic "criminal trespass" law. If you tell soemone to leave who has no contractual or ownership interest in your property and they refuse, it is a crime. Works for businesses and for residences, and you don't need a restraining order. The police usually will come and ask the person one more time to leave, and if he refuses or returns, they will arrest him.
You can check with your local cops about your trespass law. If he gets arrested, at least he won't be homeless for awhile. Don't feel badly - you tried to help and he took advantage. He is a user - stop being used.
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Must the choice be made now?
[Read the article: I'm a med student, but my boyfriend has just a high school education]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, why can't you just chill and enjoy a part of your life that is good while it is good? Why spoil it and everything else in your life by demanding to see the future and how it will fit into your idea of "success"? If you have a child, is this how you will think of it and drive its life? You have a good, happy relationship NOW, just enjoy it and let it take its course.
Yes, you will be surrounded by driven, "successful" people in your field for the rest of your life. You may fall in love with one of them. That doesn't mean that you have to dump your boyfriend now. Enjoy him now - he may grow in the future or not. I certainly hope you will grow in the future and begin to understand that working on your career at the expense of everything else isn't the most important thing in life. For your sake, your boyfriend, future boyfriend, children, or whatever.
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You sound ready to me . . .
[Read the article: We want a kid but don't think it's right to have one]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]If you are living in America, it is now completely designed for and dedicated to the wants and needs of children. Restaurants, entertainment, stores, communities, vehicles - everything is for kids - to occupy them, hold their attention for a few seconds, provide them with things to hold and look at and hear without regard for anything but what a child might like.
Adults must suffer through poorly behaved children everywhere they go, spend all their money on crap for their kids, and spend all of their leisure time taking their kids to their myriad activities at which the children show zero proficiency (most kids are bad at all the sports parents drive them to, as well as dancing, karate, art, etc). And the rest of the time is spent talking about their kids, or begging their kids to do something small that the parent needs them to do, or asking a fickle child's permission to do something the adult wants to do.
It is a world turned upside down, and in this world it makes perfect sense that you would want to ask your unborn child's permission to create it. In fact, it shows that you are now ready to have an american child. Go for it, and enjoy your Wal-Mart shopping, teeball, 4 different video game systems, and all the other crap that comes with your child.
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This seems easy
[Read the article: Desperately unhappy in the top Ivy League school]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Just stick it out (what, is it 2-3 more weeks?) and then transfer. Why waste the time you've put in all year? I know the last part of the semester means finals and papers due, but you can finish if you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and even if you do poorly, you won't get failing grades - you'll have a year of Harvard under your belt and won't have to start over as a freshman). Finish this semester, and go back to california. You'll be happy you didn't give up, and happy in your new school in a familiar place. And if you decide that harvard is OK after all, you'll still have that option if you finish the semester.
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Why do you want to be married to him?
[Read the article: My husband constantly upstages me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Can you think of any reason?
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Guilt is bad
[Read the article: I should have gone to my aunt's funeral]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Try to forgive yourself. There is no reason to travel across the country for a funeral for someone who gave you christmas presents. Send flowers, condolences, etc. Your attendance was not expected. Throughout your life people will die and you may or may not be able to attend their funerals for many reasons, all of which really amount to "selfish" choices when you analyze them. You simply have to put your wants and needs first, and attend funerals when it is convenient. Don't feel guilty.
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Miser
[Read the article: I like him but he's weird about money]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't like penny-pinching, cheap people, so maybe I'm biased. It sounds like the LW doesn't even mind the guy being that way, it's just his attitude that anyone who isn't weirdly frugal is a spendthrift. The LW is not a spendthrift, and her boyfriend is a weirdo. He's 45 and like this? I doubt he's going to change through communication and teaching, and it doesn't sound like the LW needs to change at all (plus it sounds like she couldn't change enough to fit his ideas of frugality). I say keep looking and don't settle - there will always be time to settle for a weird tightwad later - in fact I bet he'll still be available years from now.
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been there
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't have kids, but I had a marriage collapse with no sudden event or obvious cause. It was a long time coming, but at some point I realized I was miserable and couldn't go on. My wife acted like it was out of the blue at the time, but in reality she felt the same way and had for a long time.
Children make things more complicated, but I cannot imagine a marriage working out after one side has this realization. LW needs to follow Cary's advice and see a lawyer and maybe an accountant, and face the reality of custody, visitation and child support issues.