Letters to the Editor
Jan VanDenBerg
Published Letters: 49
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There are very very few women like this
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Yet, many men seem to think that a lot of women are like this -- just take a look at the imprisonment all women suffer in Muslim societies and it's all about physically preventing exactly what this woman is doing.
A lot of Western men would imprison their women, too, to prevent this, if they could. Fortunately, they can't get away with it, most of them.
I think men think lots of women are like this because lots of MEN are like this.
Cold, sex-obsessed, deceitful, selfish.
I'd really like to see some good research which tells us the truth about this behavior, as far as how many men do it and how many women do it, but asking people about how often they lie is not a way to get good data . . .
Anyway, this woman needs to recognize the substantial damage she is doing to gender relations in general, in that she validates and justifies the impulse which fuels so much abuse of women -- lack of trust. Every man she sleeps with walks away thinking that there must be a lot of cold, sex-obsessed, lying bitches out there, just like he suspected.
When, actually, most women are nothing like this, would never do this, can't understand why any woman would do this -- and yet have to deal with this widespread male fear of this.
Men are panicked of being her husband; they are freaked out to prevent this. Millions of totally innocent women are put through hell by their husbands because of the husband's frantic desire to prevent being treated the way this crazy woman treats her husband.
The men she sleeps with walk away believing that "women" will do what she does. I think she is very very rare, her behavior is highly unusual and that men should relax and trust their women. But then you have this sociopathic bitch running around confirming and validating men's worst fears about women.
She needs to recognize that it is not only her husband who is being hurt; she is spreading a nasty mistrust and even hatred of women to each of the men she sleeps with in this deceitful manner. And each of the men these men tell about her behavior, which is probably a LOT of men.
Gossip is going to catch up with her.
I hope she gets busted, loses her husband, pays the price and stops this damaging pattern; it affects others.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Jello -- there are other explanations for the idea that there are few sleazy women, many sleazy men
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You say that I am sexist because I contend that there are few women like LW, while men think more women are like that because many men are like that.
You say that's impossible because every time a man has sex, a woman has sex. So, the average numbers of sex acts by each gender has to be the same. Unless "single working women" are having lots of sex with married men, according to you. So, anyone who thinks that men are sleazier than women, usually, has to have something against "single working women."
Well, two points:
Yes, the average numbers of sex acts must be the same. But the disparity of reported numbers has long been posited as due to the likely situation that a few women -- prostitutes and whores -- have extreme quantities of sex, while most women do not. That makes the total averages the same, while the typical man, a group which includes johns, still has more sex than the typical women, a group which does not include professional callgirls, prostitutes and whores. And women like the LW.
One look at the escort pages should let you know that this scenario is plausible. All women for men and men for men. You can't hardly FIND a male prostitute for women, a gigolo -- very very rare.
The next point is that men WANT more sex than they GET. What is stopping men from getting all the sex they would want is that women say no.
Just look at "typical" gay behavior before AIDS for some idea of what sex would be like if men had their way.
Anyway, call me sexist if you like, but I think the facts are somewhat inconvenient for those who would posit that LW is at all representative of women in general or that sleazy behavior must, perforce, be equally distributed between the sexes.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Just because you're hetero doesn't mean you want to tart yourself up for strangers
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Lots of straight women don't want every man on the street staring up the back of her legs, gazing down her shirt or otherwise invading her space.
So, she dresses a bit like a lesbian to throw them off.
Get a grip, Cary. You invaded this woman's privacy just because she doesn't want that done.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Pay and quit, or don't pay and quit -- but quit -- and become self-employed
[Read the article: Our office manager is a dental despot!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You have to become self-employed, if this kind of thing really drives you nuts.
It's the only way out.
I was serially sexually harassed everywhere I went for years, over and over, school and work, always some jerk -- until I quit "employment" entirely and became self-employed.
It has its disadvantages but it has one really BIG advantage -- it works. You get paid what you're worth.
Unlike "corporate" employment and universities. Just doesn't work. Always some guy in love with you, on and on without end. You will never get paid what you are worth or accorded the position you deserve as long as a miasma of men are above you, focussing on your personal life, obsessing about what you wear, running you down, underestimating the value of your contributions, denying you equal bonuses, refusing to promote you, mommy-tracking you against your will, refusing to hire you, on and on and on.
It never ends.
Start your own business.
Tell it all good-bye.
Jan VanDenBerg