Letters to the Editor
Jan VanDenBerg
Published Letters: 49
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Men need to recognize that they grossly overestimate the level of female "come-on" in the world
[Read the article: Her sexy T-shirt says "Kitty Not Happy" -- is that OK at work?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'd just like to add my voice to those of the many female posters on this thread who have pointed out that men grossly overestimate the degree to which women are after them, want them, are feeling horny, are thinking about sex, etc.
This is such a problem that about 15% of the female populatin of this globe are confined inside their homes, unable to engage in economically productive activity or forced to completely cover their entire bodies in a big black envelope because their men read any other behavior as a sexual come-on.
We are talking about the Middle Eastern countries where purdah and abaya/burqa are de rigueur.
This incorrect impulse runs through all human males; most cultures just don't pander to it to the degree that conservative Islamic cultures do.
The burqa was invented just to deal with jerks like LW.
I can see why some Muslim women chose to wear them, too. It clearly says, "No, in fact, I DON'T want you, so would you please go back to doing your job and leave me alone?"
Men in civilized cultures such as we would like to believe ours is need to recognize that they do have an innate tendency to read "I want you" into a lot of female behavior which is actually saying "I want to breathe," or "I have to leave my house and earn money to eat now, please," or "And a good day to you, too, sir."
All this nonsense is exactly why I quit my career on Wall Street and became self-employed. I still have to deal with men, yes, but not in the confined, coercive terms which prevail in the standard employment/office situation.
In my current career, which has gone extremely well, thank you, if some jerk thinks that just because looking at me provokes a physical response inside him that somehow I am responsible for or aware of that response or, even more absurdly, that I am TRYING to provoke that response, I can either fire him or figure out some way to shift my business elsewhere.
Sometimes shifting my business elsewhere can be a real hassle, like the time I sold $5mn worth of rental real estate and moved to Oregon to avoid the building inspection department of Somerville, MA, but usually, it has been, if not actually easier, quite a bit more successful that what I went through working for the likes of Merrill Lynch.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Tell her you will pay off her debts if she ditches the alcoholic and goes to nursing school
[Read the article: My sister is in perpetual crisis -- should I give her $5,000?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Then, give it out at the rate of $500 a month and stop giving it to her if the alcoholic hoves again into view.
And, don't give it directly to her. Write checks directly to her credit card companies, put them in envelopes and post them yourself. At the rate of $500 a month, as long as her toxic partner is not living with her or seeing her. Check by randomly calling her, calling him or have Child Protective Services tell you what they see going on there.
You could pay her tuition, directly to the school.
Don't give her any money to use as she sees fit. She can arrange for spending money herself.
Call child protective services. They will start a series of classes, etc which she will have to complete in order to keep her children, which will be another source of pressure on her to straighten up.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Boring, self-indulgent girls do more boring, self-indulgent stuff
[Read the article: Wedding trashers]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Yawn.
As long as they don't actually damage the dress and then go ahead and donate it (millions buy used dresses), who the hell cares if these brats get one more picture of themselves doing something or other? They already have dozens of all the details they have spent so much money on. Big deal.
Some people cannot understand that no one cares.
All that time, all that effort . . . for themselves.
It's sad.
How I wish women were beyond all this.
Jan VanDenBerg
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Cary - you say No to a sister but Yes to THIS?????
[Read the article: A 19-year-old wants my husband]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]OK, now let me get this straight.
Just a little bit ago, you told a woman in no uncertain terms that she should NEVER give any money to her sister, despite the presence of little nephews, because that sister was married to an slimy alcoholic ---
OK, I disagree but I can see your point.
THEN, you are all for this crazy woman developing these self-flagellating and very risky-to-her-marriage feelings of overresponsibility toward a girl she barely knows and WANTS TO SCREW HER HUSBAND. And you think it would be OK for this woman to "help" this girl by letting her weird husband bang her around a bit.
Huh?? Are you just nuts?
She should HELP this woman who wants to screw her children's father, but the other lady should tell her sister to just sink or swim????
This woman has children. This woman's first responsibility to to her own little children, not to some sexed-up little floozy her husband wants to "develop a dominant/submissive relationship" with.
I think this woman's husband has her head in his hand. I think he is manipulating her. I think she is being "dominant/submissived" into rationalizing a sick little screw her weird husband wants to have, right in front of his pathetic little wife. Just to make it all more fun.
He can screw with BOTH their heads at once!!
Yes to that, Cary?
Get real.
She needs to get her responsibility toward her children straight. Her husband needs some discipline. He needs to understand that just because you can bamboozle wifey into rationalizing and accepting your 19-year-old messed-up screw-buddy in the short term, in the long term, you are messing up the mother of your children. You are making her crazy.
Is that good for your kids?
This is a family, not a whorehouse.
TELL HIM NO!!!
Don't let him twist your brain into a pretzel.
Jan VanDenBerg