I find it interesting that the LW finds it necessary to formalize her daughter's pursuits. This seems to be a function of modern "parenting". I think it has to do with making sure your kids and/or you get credit for any kind of talent or achievement. Who wants to play an instrument without getting some kind of certificate or at least a round of applause. Will colleges be impressed by my "extracurriculars" if they aren't legitimized by some teacher or contest?

I was particularly struck by the idea that the daughter's voice "blossomed," so the mother sent her to weekly voice lessons. Why not just let the girl sing? Is it all about "training" and never about just doing something for the joy of it.

There seems to be very little kicking the ball around or tossing a football or doing cartwheels in the backyard. It's all leagues and practice and lessons and competitions. And if you don't rise to the level of your most talented peers, you darn well better get a private teacher or coach, or else you're squandering your potential, and you'll never have that career option. Do kids see everything as a potential career, even at the age of 13? Do their parents really see that? Does anyone know where I can find a Spiderman trainer? That really seems to be where my son's interests and talents lie. I'd hate to waste all that potential.

It makes me sad sometimes. My son is 5 years old. We tried a couple of "kiddie gym" lessons, but it was just too weird. He didn't want to wait for his turn to golf (yes, they were "teaching" 3-year-olds" to golf!), and I was kind of freaked out by the parents who were watching the lesson. They all seemed so serious...watching 3-year-olds golf. We lasted about 15 minutes into a 40-minute class. I don't know that either of us will regret that. Maybe he would have been a future PGA Champion, if only I had pushed him...if only I hadn't let him give up so early.

The previous comment about how someone's family "works" financially is interesting to me...I don't come from affluence, so I don't really know what it's like to just have lots of stuff that gets shared, but the emphasis on financial/material equality among the family strikes me as mercenary and kind of sad. I remember my sister got a prom dress that cost something like $200--an unheard-of luxury in my family, but my mom really wanted her to have it. I never thought of demanding or requesting or even inquiring about my equal restitution. Not because I'm so very noble or humble or holier than anyone...it just didn't occur to me. In fact, if mom spent that much on her dress, I figured I wasn't getting ANYTHING anytime soon. So, you see, we had our own culture on the other end of the spectrum that wasn't about counting and resenting what others got.

As for this LW, I can't tell if she needs the money or just wants the money. I suspect the latter. I guess that's fine if there is some kind of fund just sitting around collecting dust and probably interest. (If so, is she entitled to that interest as well? Just asking.) I guess that's fine, too, if it's not in an account, but just part of her mother's intentions. And if there's lots of money hanging around, and if your family is part of a culture where you keep your accounting handy to make sure everyone gets the same size cookie, then I suppose it's no big deal to tell Mom youd like to cash out.

One more point. It seems that the only way to really quantify the importance of each child to their parents is financially. I wonder if the LW, or others among these comments, are understanding wedding money to be more than an exchange of cash. Like the LW is not as loved because she never got her share of the money. I have seen the argument about sisters getting equal wedding money, or siblings getting equal college money, but I don't know that I've come across an only child asking for "what's theirs" very often.

And I did kind of resent the prom dress, because I wanted to know that I was special, too.