Substitute "blacks," "women," or "mexicans" for Gen Xers and (hopefully) Cary would have rhapsodized about the trap of using gross generalizations to distance oneself from the complexity and messiness of real human relations. Ok, probably not. As usual, Cary addresses the larger social issue brought up by the LW instead of giving him useful advice about his particular situation. This is an advice column. Someone who is judging his co-workers and friends alike by clownish, self-righteous over-simplifications needs real advice on how to get over himself and begin relating to people.

DO NOT get a duplex with your mother. Her condition will continue to deteriorate in ways you cannot yet fathom. Your logic is blinded by an over-willingness to dispose indefinitely of your life as you know it. Don't do it. Get outside input and perspective on this, but not from Cary Tennis, for God's sake. Talk to a professional who specializes in planning elder care.

I agree with all the supportive comments about sticking with it despite your shyness/introversion. If this is what you want, you can definitely do it.

But it's also okay to quit if you want and do something else. Trying out new things is an experiment that always succeeds -- whether you stick with it or change course. You should be commended for going to J-school and trying something out. And it's ok if during that process you learn that it's not what you want.

I used to be a journalist and for the reasons you cited, as well as other reasons involving personal preference and daily happiness, I decided to quit and get a degree in a completely unrelated field. Like today's letter writers, my colleagues strongly encouraged me to stick with it and I felt bad at the time for being a "quitter." I was also haunted by the prospect that I was fleeing my fears. But I kept reminding myself that I was quitting one thing to start another - which isn't really quitting, it's just a change.

That was 12 years ago. I now have a degree and a job in a field I love. I no longer experience daily conflict and struggle as I carry out my work. I am at peace. I am not hiding; my work is challenging and stimulating. The pace and duties of my work suit me very well.

I think you can excel no matter what you do. I hope you do not feel like there is a "wrong" thing to do. Spend time exploring your fears and doubts and try to tune into your desire. Find out what you WANT and fight to make it happen.

Cary completely skipped the first, most interesting, and most significant decision/choice LW faces: Defining his role in his father's life, and defining the role of his father's life in his.

LW is experiencing difficulty separating from his father and differentiating his father's battles from his own. This is understandable, given his history with his father. The first step is not, as Cary states, to take on all of his father's problems (a disappointing lapse into all-or-nothing thinking - "You now must play the father?!"). The first step is to define which of the problems REALLY matter to LW, and which he REALLY stands a chance at influencing. LW needs to prioritize, while paying close attention (preferably in therapy) to his boundaries, his emotional needs, and the origins of his dynamic with his father.

I am faced with a similar parental situation, and after spending my teens and 20's trying to help my wayward and dependent parent, I realized that my energies were better focused on moving my own life forward. Focusing my emotional energy on building a new family, rather than continuing to seek resolution within the old one, has worked wonders for my happiness. LW states that his father can change. His father is not going to change, and the sooner he accepts this the sooner he can get on with his own life.

In any event, it's not very realistic to be concerned with his father's estate of all things. Who cares? LW is 35, he shouldn't still be worrying about what he might get from his dad. If he wants to worry about something, he should start thinking about years of assisted living and medical bills and how to pay for them. That is the more imminent and realistic problem.