Somehow, I doubt that the columnist would have been so enabling of your behavior if you were a man, but I digress.

I had an affair with my best friend's wife. Both his wife and I were having trouble in our marriages, and didn't really feel as if our spouses found us attractive anymore. Yes, it was an incredible feeling to feel wanted again. Yes, I cared about her, as well as us using each other for sex.

Ultimately, however, our spouses found out, and we each went back to our spouses and worked out the problems in our marriages. Marriage is not an easy thing, but if you can deal with each other as adults and communicate honestly with each other, it can be amazing too. It took a lot of counseling for me to realize this and grow up. I caused a lot of pain to my wife, and we lost some fantastic friends over it. I strongly suggest that you get some counseling for your marriage immediately, and for crying out loud, grow up a bit!

“…I think Richard (Dawkins) is wrong….I think that there's something else. I think the creativity in nature is so stunning and so overwhelming that it's God enough for me…”

I can't believe how often I hear this. I can understand it coming from fundies who blast Dawkins but could never be troubled to read him, but I would hope that Kauffman would have actually read some Dawkins. Dawkins does say that he finds plenty of awe in nature, and that believing in a god or higher power isn't needed for this. As for existence having an intrinsic meaning, outside of the meaning we find in it, as much as we might like it to be so, there just isn't any EVIDENCE for it. Kauffman mentions Neanderthals, they are a useful illustration of this point. They may have buried their dead, maybe were a lot like us in other ways too. But they are still extinct, probably in large part to our species. So, where's the intrinsic meaning in THEIR existance, in the end?

" Roger Penrose wrote a book called "The Emperor's New Mind." He looked at this argument for artificial intelligence, and he said it's just bunk. I think he's right."

Really? Penrose wrote that book way back in 1989. I'd like to think that neuroscience is a little further along than it was 20 years ago. Computer science is too, for that matter. I remember reading not too long ago that some are starting to think that consciousness is actually an illusion - our brains have already made a decision before we are "aware" we've made one. It's a scary thought to think that maybe we don't have as much free will as we think we do - certainly the advertisers spending billions of dollars are counting on this fact to sell us their products who's utility to us are dubious at best.

As always, the scientific explanations for things - which I like to call "reality", are always much more exciting to me than the mumbo jumbo ones.

Woah! Since when did Salon start letting neocons in? This person should be on Fox.

I basically did the exact same thing as LW did in my own life, except the woman was part of a couple that we were best friends with. So, I know exactly everything they're going through, except my wife and I didn't have kids.

We worked it out between us, eventually, although it's been a year and a half and we're still doing counseling. Not that it's a bad thing, just pointing out that it is a long journey to restore shattered trust. Assuming that LW like me is not a sociopath, dealing with the pain they caused others will be the hardest part. Just thinking about how much I hurt my wife caused intense self-loathing and near suicidal thoughts, not to mention thinking about how much I hurt my ex-friend and dealing with that very real loss.

Despite what some of the posters have said, you CAN repair some things and win forgiveness, although your life will NEVER be like it was. It can be better and it can be worse, but it will never be the same. So, you need to mourn that and move on. You may be able to save your marriage, but you will need counseling, immediately. I, like LW, never believed in marriage counseling before I actually tried it.

The last thing I would leave you with is that you do not need to let this failure define you. That will only lead to self-hate. I think I've used my experiences to make me a much better person, a better friend to those I have left, and a better husband.

I'm greatly heartened to see how many scientific thinkers or actual scientists that read salon. Makes me feel like I'm in good company. I've tried in the past to discuss this topic with philosophers in the past, but it mostly feels like banging my head against the wall. Reading Roe's interview, it brought it all back to me.

If you think that consciousness is "whole body" or arising from some kind of dualism, then why is it that only brain damage or brain altering substances that can suddenly and dramatically change the way people act? You would think that stubbing your toe would have similar effects. Where do "you" go when you get really drunk, or after you get brain damaged by a stroke or traffic accident? I can't see any other logical explanation besides the brain being responsible for giving rise to personality and consciousness.

I guess it's just my science based outlook, but I find this prospect exciting, not frightening or depressing.